Happy Birthday & Goodbye

Today is my beautiful little sisters birthday! She is turning 22, I cannot believe it. I can still remember when my parents brought her home, the excitement, the joy, the anticipation, the shock when they removed the blanket and I saw a baby not a puppy. I begged my parents to take her back and bring a puppy, for sure a puppy would be softer, maybe quieter, and would be quicker to potty train, but they refused. After sulking for awhile I started liking this new human that occupied our house. I remember so many things about her when she was little, I remember one day we were on our way to Big Bear and were in the back seat. Katie had a bad habit of biting me, and at my smart age of 7 I thought I would teach her a lesson. I told her I was afraid to put my finger in her mouth, she had already bitten my finger, I asked her if she would hold my hand while I placed my finger in her mouth. She eagerly agreed, I slipped my finger with hers under it into her little sharp toothed mouth and right before she chomped down I slid my own finger back. Her face was priceless, the look of why does my finger hurt was comical. Lets just say that was the last time she bit me :) Another story I love hearing that my mom tells about Katie is that of when she was little. She must have been about 4 or 5 years old. I was in school at this point since I'm five years older than her. Five years, and five days to be exact. Anyway I was in school and my mom was napping after having worked a night shift. She woke up to find Katie missing, she ran through the house looking for her, shouting her name. When she finally found her she was sitting on top of the counter. My mom asked her, "Katie, what are you doing?" Katie matter of fact replied, " Andrea's eating the cookies from the cookie jar!" That little stink bug tried to throw me under the cookie jar bus and I didn't even get a crumb for compensation. Its one of my most favorite. Katie is a beautiful, smart, funny woman. She works very hard and loves what she does. She works as a massage therapist, using her hands to heal what ales others. She has given me massages and she has some really strong and magical hands. Katie is also in school to become a physical therapist. On her free time, which is not much she likes to take her pup Foxey to the park. Foxey is her new puppy and she is too cute for words. Katie is working really hard at training her to be a therapy dog. I think they are teaching each other a lot. Here's to a beautiful girl on her very special birthday! I love you sister!

Goodbye is a hard word to say, its even harder to form the words when you know its good bye until I meet you again in heaven, which could be an eternity. Today I said goodbye to a beautiful, funny, kind man. KAMP will forever be in my heart. I was so blessed to have known him and to have had the opportunity to work with one of Papa's own Angels. KAMP went to heaven on Sunday. He is now with Papa in peace, I like to imagine he is riding around heaven on his motorcycle zooming from one cloud to the next, looking down at all of us here on earth. It was so weird seeing him today. I don't like open caskets, It was really weird for me, he had so much make-up on, and was so very cold. It made me feel weird. I don't want that image of my beautiful boy, I want the one of him smiling and laughing with me. I want the one of him being sassy, or the one of him waking up after a procedure only to find that I have given him a dora tattoo on his love handle! I want those memories to be the ones I keep in my heart and mind. I need to keep reminding myself of them so that they are fresh. KAMP was so loved and today it was very obvious. He has a family that is so strong and so very beautiful. They were all so thankful, and in the midst of their unthinkable great sadness they found the strength and kindness in themselves to thank me and the other nurses for all we had done for them and also KAMP. It was amazing and beautiful beyond words. The love that his family has shown me is huge, and all I did was love him and give him what I hope was wonderful care while he was in the hospital. Rest in peace my buddy. Thank you for all you taught me, for the love, the laughter, and the hope that one day I will see you again when I go to heaven.


As for me, I am about the same, still swollen and still having some pain. I am beyond hopeful that this is our month, that papa will bless me with the best birthday present ever, that KAMP will shine down on me and place his blessings on me also. I am so very hopeful. This is going to be the year of change. I have the ability to make it be the year of good changes. I pray for the


I love you my love! I hope you are growing inside my tummy! Come join our family!

I let myself eat McDonald's

Today I let myself eat McDonald's! I knew it was filled with sodium, which is what the doctor ordered so I got a number two, which is two cheese burgers with fries! It was good, but more than the taste, it reminded me of my childhood. McDonald's for me as a kid was a special place. I remember picking my grandma up and we would all go there, on Wednesdays they had 39 cent cheese burgers. We would all get burgers and share fries and a drink. It was so much fun just being there together. When we were younger we thought my Grandma was dating Ronald McDonald because she like going there so much. She never argued that theory either. Ah fond memories. 


Today I am feeling a bit better, my pain is a bit less, I guess I really did need to stay off my feet and relax as much as I hated it and was so bored! I have been a good girl drinking my gatorade. Tonight one of my girlfriends is going to come over and help cook dinner for us. Daddy is busy studying and Harvey is eating a bone. I decided to take a couch break and update this blog, although I can feel my side and abdomen starting to cramp up. We are going to make chicken parmesan yummy! The doctor told me that I needed more protein so I am going to eat chicken, which I usually don't. 


My birthday is a week from today! Thats crazy. Im excited for a new year and for new changes. I am praying for hope and a better outlook on life and all of the many blessings in it. I have been dwelling on everything I don't have or wish I had and have been missing out on what I am blessed with. 


Some of my blessings are
-my wonderful family who loves me so much and offer me so much support. My parents are wonderful, my grandma is one of my best friends, my sisters love me a lot, Matt tries his hardest, Harvey always puts a smile on my face, he lights my heart up and makes me even softer.
-My amazing friends, who go to doctor appointments with me and hold my hand so that I don't have to be alone, who encourage me even when Im being a pain in the butt, who cook me dinner when I am on bed rest, who invite me to girls night so that I can get my head off of my own life for awhile, who help make me smile, and shower me in love.
-My new job, Im thankful for the people I will meet, have the opportunity to work with, and for the patients lives who I will have the ability to impact. 
-My old job for teaching me so much about love, kids, cancer, and helping me to meet friends that I know will be with me forever. Also for showing me that I am an amazing nurse who deserves more and shouldn't settle for anything but the best. 
-For Papa for never letting me go off on my own. Even when I fight and push him away he is there holding onto my hand waiting for me to open up to his embrace. He has showered me with so many wonderful people, its like he is in all of them and then there for me through them. 


I am blessed. I hope to one day be blessed with you, until then I will count my blessings and work hard at being the best person possible. 


I love you little one! I hope you are in my belly dividing like crazy, then I hope even more that you find a really nice soft place to land and you attach well there for the next 9 months. Maybe you will even have a friend inside there to keep you company. Only you and papa know. 


XO 
Momma

OHSS...

OHSS is a syndrome, its called ovarian hyper stimulated syndrome. It happens when the sacs that used to hold eggs prior to ovulation fill with fluid. My ovaries are already big from working hard at making all the eggs, we had 5this month remember... Any way the fluid absorbs into the ovary and then slowly leaks out into my abdomen. It can cause a lot of discomfort and bloating, all for which I have. It all started Friday, I thought I had gotten the GI virus that is going around, I had such a bad tummy ache, it felt like gas, cramps, and heartburn all at once. That night it was even worse and so it continued in this fashion until Monday when I noticed I was visibly bigger. I worked the weekend because I figured I wasn't contagious, I hadn't thrown up or had diarrhea, I just had this weird stomach problem. After I noticed the bloating I decided I better call the dr. I thought I might have OHSS, but didn't want to assume. Monday night it was hard for me to breathe, I had to sit in bed propped up on pillows, my chest felt tight and my heart hurt. I was getting a little nervous but didn't want to over react. I decided sitting on the couch was my best option, and so thats what I did. My breathing still hurt but it was better there. I went to the Dr's in the morning and they confirmed that I did in fact have OHSS, my ovaries were very swollen and there was a large collection of free fluid in my abdomen. He said it will most likely get worse before it gets better. He told me that if I got worse they would need to aspirate fluid off my stomach. FUN!  He said being skinny is not a good thing in this situation because the fluid has little space to occupy. I was placed on a special diet and given instructions. 
My diet is:
Gatorade & V8 juice- no water, or very small amounts
Protein shakes 2 daily with no less than 25gm of protein...yucky. ( I bought naked juice and odwalla they have some protein shakes, Ill test them tonight. I usually don't like protein.)
Salt-which I never use now I was told to put on all my food, and to eat very salty things, chips, pretzels, etc. so for the first time in my life I went shopping and put things back on the shelf that were low in sodium! I ended up with cup of noodle. You are not allowed to eat this ever! It has a whopping 1180mg of sodium in one cup! Success :) 


So aside from all of this really fun stuff, Mommy took a new job. I finally put my two weeks notice in. My work environment was not supportive of me becoming a mommy and since I want that more than anything I decided to go somewhere that would happily embrace motherhood. I got hired with my dr! I will no be a fertility nurse. The staff seems wonderful, Debbie, who I have talked about a lot is wonderful, Lisa is the manager and she is very sweet. She is excited to have a lot of new projects and new hopes for the office. It will be exciting to be a part of such a great team. Also my dr is wonderful. He is kind, smart, and really truly cares about his patients. 


I start there February 6th! 


Today Mommies friend Paola came out to have lunch with me, it was really nice. We ate and talked. It had been so long since we had gotten together. Paola, like a lot of mommies good friends is busy, but we are blessed in the fact that we can be busy for years and pick right up in our relationship like we had seen each other every day.


Auntie Franny is moving back home! I am so excited. I think she arrives tomorrow. I am so happy for her. She is going to live in Redondo Beach :) She is excited to become an auntie and so are all of your other aunties, so if you want to be spoiled with love be alive already!


Well my little love bug Mommy loves you, Daddy loves you too! He has been so busy in school lately. Im so proud of him. He is working so hard. He is doing great on his quizzes and tests. Wish him good luck. Hoping you will join the family soon after he graduates so he can love you a lot before he starts working again and becomes more MIA. 


I better get back to my couch sitting straight is hard for me too. Im not complaining, Im thankful, Im going to praise the Lord with every symptom I get, which thus far has been every symptom including the rare 1 % of people will get this complication. Haha But if I get you in the end I don't mind at all. I enjoy it. Ok that was a lie, I really don't enjoy it, but your worth it! 

All the black stuff is free fluid, my ovaries are huge and my poor uterus is being pushed out of the way. One day I hope I get to see you in there!

Love you!

Sperm Fairy

So this morning I woke up to Daddy putting something under my pillow. Mind you this was at 5:30 this morning. He mumbled keep that warm and walked out. My eyes flew open and I kept out of bed, daddy put his water "sperm" under mommas pillow! I was very grumpy when I realized it was only 5:30. We have strict rules about delivering it to the office within 1 hour. Yesterday it was in within an hour and a half, so totally pushing it. Well today daddy was bad, because he knows the office isn't open until 7:30! I coul care less about waking up at 5:30, but now I'm sitting outside of the drs office one hour after the water left daddy's body:( I hope the water doesn't dry up and disapear. I was so upset with daddy. I felt bad for beig upset because I know daddy has a lot on his mind. He started paramedic school in January and has quizzes everyday. He's studying so much and sleeping so little. Good prep for you, just saying. So I was grouchy at daddy and I needed a shower so I snapped well who's going to keep it warm while I shower? Harvey of course! Harvey was snuggled up in bed and daddy put the cup under the blankets right next to him. He stayed in bed protecting that sperm until my shower was over and I had a short on to help support the cup against my boobs. Momma has small boobies so I need the help keeping the cup there;) hehe

Well on a more upbeat tone, momma had dinner with Jenny and Allie last night. It was so much fun. You are going to LOVE them, they are going to be the best aunties ever! We had tacos and guacamole! Yum:) Harvey got to come with me, he got to play with Jenny's dog Kobe. They were so cute together.

Yesterday at my appointment Grammie came with me to offer me support and hold my hand. It was really special having her there, you will love her and papa a lot too. They are so very fun and have so much love to give you!

Back track into the past two days and we will start our story of Mommas friend Erika. Well two days ago momma had to take a shot at work. Durin the week either daddy or I gave myself the shots, but I thought it would be fun and also special to involve Erika in the process. She has been such a wonderful friend to momma, she's so positive and is such a big cheerleader for me. When I lose hope she has it for me. She is an absolutely beautiful person. Her son is 3 and he is just as cute! He's sweet, and so well behaved! Erika is also pregnant with her second, her belly looks soo cute;) ok off the sidebar, Erika have me my shot at work two days ago, she rubbed the syringe on her tummy giving it good luck! Today mommy is lucky that Erika is going to come with me to the drs. Afterwards we will probably eat, then I plan on relaxing today, that is after grocery shopping, cleaning the house, and walking Harvey:/ it's never ending and with daddy at school for so long I end up doing almost all of it.

Well my love, I wanted you to join our life everytime we tried, so this month my wants are no different. Our regimen was different we used injectable medication which costs a small fortune, but we had wonderful results and we are hoping everything works well and you decide to be an october baby;)

Love you little one