Day 10 not normal

So today were done with Tuesday!! It's nice to have another day under our belly;) today we had a lot of good food again. My mom made over easy eggs with delicious potatoes, and a toasted crissant for breakfast, then I had grapes and a plum for my snack. For lunch we ate chicken salad sandwiches on croissants. So good, and for dinner we ate steak burritos! Tomorrow she is goin back home to see her dogs an Katie;) we will miss her here though especially her delicious food, drill Sargent commands for me to stay down and Harvey will miss his walks. Today Allie and Klondike came over to visit. Allie shared her hiking adventure stories and Klondike wore Harvey out! Double bonus!!! I took a little nap, I've felt tired all day long. I'm In bed now getting ready to sleep. I also helped quiz daddy on policies he needs to know for school. He's such a smart guy!! I know you will both learn so much from him. He's the best. Pop pop stopped by to visit on his way to work and it was nice getting to see him. He just got back from a nice much deserved vacation with Grammie. I loved watching pop pop kiss Harvey goodbye I know he's just goin to adore you!! Auntie heather called today which was a nice treat also. She told us that the whole family has us in their thoughts and prayers. It's so amazing to me and brings tears to my eyes. They pray a lot for us, the girls even got to light the candles at mass for you! It made Me so excited for you to get to know Jesus and grow up in the church. For the girls who have been praying for you before you were conceived it's a miracle for them to see God answer prayers. It's also amazing for them to know that they played a role in helping those miracles become reality!! Just some cool exciting thoughts. Tomorrow we have an dr appountment to check our cervix, praying this bed rest has helped!! I love you! Almost forgot! Ok so I go pee like every hour, at night time I can stretch to every 2.5-3 hours! I noticed that most people pee anywhere from 3-5 times a day!!! That's insane! Someone's not normal;) haha

Day 9 full day

Today we had a very filled day. We woke up and had breakfast. Daddy made egg sandwiches with tomatoes, mushrooms, and onion they were good! Then I had a snack of mangos, pineapple, cherries, an grapes!! Daddy had plans to take Harvey to the park and then to the pet store to get treats for him, but the park was closed due to construction:( so they still went to get treats, Harvey picked out his favorite frozen bones!! Then they visited Grammie and daddy drove by the location he will have his interview Wednesday. My mom went to Newport to get her hair cut colored and styled, so mommy had some free time. I read an article about women who become pregnant through infertility treatments I instantly related to the article it was like finally someone out there understood exactly how I felt how exciting yet terrifying it all is. It talked about how we are guarded and don't always elaborate on our new pregnancies. I remember being pregnant and not wanting to tell anyone for fear of losing you, I thought the more people we tell the more real the situation is and the more devastating I will be if we do miscarry. It sheds light on why we might have such high fears after having endured years of fertility treatments only to become a gold metalware at failing cycle after cycle, until we decide to go for the granddaddy of them all...ivf! Which we did. People will shun us for it thinking we were wrong having made you in a lab, using medical treatment not very many people support. The alternative being romantic nights with candles lit, sOft music in the background... Not so much with fertility treatments it's the nitty gritty, the most exciting it gets is the foreplay action of an alcohol swab being rubbed gently on my belly prior to injecting ovarian stimulatin medications. from here the article talks about how we never truly fit into a group again, we are no longer categorized with our infertile frieds still enduring endless treatments nor do we fit in with our pregnant friends who conceive naturally, normally, man an woman intimacy, not structured not timed perfectly just spur of the moment fun and excitement!! We are loners in our little dens that fear something horrible happening. It made

Me feel better after reason this article, I felt ungrateful for not boasting about our pregnancy, for being guarded, for protecting us and myself from hurt. The pain so fresh and apparent. Of course we wouldn't discus it with anyone, after years of tryin to conceive no one wants to hear us complain about how anxious or afraid we are, how badly my back aches, how terrible your morning sickness is, people assume shut up and be grateful your pregnant! I too took this exact approach thanking God everyday for any ill feelings I had, begging for the security that morning sickness brought, and not ever having any. It's funny how we analyze things and categorize ourselves. 

Moving on... After reading this article I took a small cat nap with Harvey. Then Jen came over with Brooklyn. She and Harvey played while my mom cooked an amazing dinner. Daddy and his friend from childhood were here also. We all played blocks Jen winning the first round, then we ate filet, scallops, asparagus, and salad! It was So good and we all ate until we were stuffed. Jen and Brooklyn left around 9pm. I was telling daddy how it was national cheesecake day and that the cheesecake factory was selling their delicious cheesecakes for 50% off but only for fine in. Well Daddy and Tyler decided that they would try their luck at the resturant. They went armed with a picture of us on bed rest begging for cheesecake and guess what?! It worked!! They sold daddy four beautiful creamy slices of cheesecake! Daddy also brought me a shake home it was so yummy. The perfect close to our day! We then played one more round of blocks daddy winning having used all of his pieces which is a hard thing to do. He's the best player I've ever encountered at the game and it ruffles my feathers at huts how good he is all the while being quiet, calm and collected. Stink bomb!!! Haha we played catch phrase also which was fun an funy! It's interesting to see how well or horribly you can communicate with someone else! Lol then we called it a night and went to bed!!! Shower tomorrow;) night my sweet angels!!

daddy was able to get us cheesecake!!! woohoo

Day 8 beyond stuffed

Hi bugs! Well today momma has eaten enough to last a full week! My mom has been keeping me completely fed. Today when I woke up I took a shower, today was shower Sunday! It was so nice to shower. Afterwards I came downstairs and my mom had just made a delicious quiche filled with green onions, mushrooms, turkey and cheese!! It was melt in your mouth good. It was accompanied by fresh fruit! Strawberries, blackberries,blueberries and raspberries. After brunch daddy was tired so he asked Harvey and me to toke a nap with him, so of course we did. While we were napping my mom was shopping and preparing to cook a huge feast. I woke up and came back to the couch to read while daddy and my mom slept. For lunch we had tuna salad on croissants and mango slices. Then for my afternoon snack I got a peach, pear slices, some pineapple and two cookies. For dinner we ate mashed potatoes, asparagus, cedar plank salmon and grapes. I'm so full I can barely breathe. Just now she asked me what I wanted for dessert! Omg I said I'm going to throw up!! I guess better to be fed than go hungry. She's has more cooking adventures for tomorrow. I feel good today, had mild back pain, nothing like yesterday. I'm almost done with my book, it's been a fun read. I'm excited that tomorrow is Monday, daddy is off three more days and it's the start of a new week, closer to one more week with you in my belly!! I love you both so much. My drill sargents haven't allowed me to do anything, I still get harassed for each bathroom run I make even though I'm seriously up for 30 seconds!! Haha I love you bugs.

Day 7 : 19 weeks!!!

Hi love bugs! I'm sure you know because I've been griping all day about it, but mommies back feels like its broken:( it hurt the second I woke up and it's still hurting. This morning daddy kissed me good bye and left for his shift. I was sad but happy he was one day closer to graduation! He has been working so hard at graduating and is trying to get a good job to help support us. He's the best ever!! Well after daddy left I had two nightmares back to back! In one of them I felt someone pushing me into the bed, I felt it, I pushed away with my hands and tried to move but they bent my fingers back. I was frozen right there I was so afraid to look, I was terrified! I knew who it was and honestly thought it was real not a dream. I gasped and sat up to fight back only to find myself in a black room. Scary!! I went back to bed although my back pain was worsening and my tummy felt funny. All of a sudden I felt a moistness in between my legs and it further freaked me out! I feared I would find blood, or amniotic fluid, I was anxious but I popped up went to the loo and thank goodness only found the progesterone gel I have been using. It scared me and I decided that was enough for one morning. So I got dressed and headed downstairs. My mom was already awake, I showed her the key ad she left to get a few things, fruit for us and more of my blood thinning medication. We are almost don't using it!! Thank goodness because it really hurts as it leaves my belly black and blue. Not a flattering look. After lunch I napped a bit then we watched a movie. We watched The Help. I read the book a few years ago and like it. It's amazing how people have come so far, and yet not far enough. Just rember my sweet babies to treat everyone with love and respect. You don't know what their eyes have seen or their hearts have endured. Be too kind. My mom made a beautiful green salad with fresh tomatoes, green onions and mushrooms along with fresh garlic bread and lasagna. It was really good. For desert we had raspberries and a few cookies. We were very spoiled today. A really exciting thing happened today! Jenny mommies good friend for engaged!! We were supposed to e there before we were committed to the bed rest asylum but we were on the couch instead. My wonderful friends kept me well in the loop. They all messages me to let me know. I cried of course because I was so elated for her, and because I am emotional and sad we missed such a huge event:( Jenny and Eddie have been dating since high school!! Almost 10 years. They adore eachother and are a beautiful loving couple. I couldn't be happier for them! So excited!! I cried because the emotions involved in bed rest are so high, I've never needed anyone especially no help. I have always been very independent, possibly to a fault. Now I completely rely on people to do everything even my most sacred getting me water which I probably consume a gallon a day! Such a pain I'm sure, then I pee a lot. My mom was a darn drill Sargent, she kept sassin me to get back in bed but I had to pee. People just don't understand, plus my back ached so much I thought I'd explode if I didn't stretch. I didn't feel you much today:( I love feelin you move. It makes me so happy. Hopefully tomorrow. Guess what loves?! We are 19 weeks today!! We made it another week. Such a wonderful gift to make it another Blessed week with you both safe, healthy and growing in my belly! I pray we continue to make weeks pass and that we continue to be safe. I've had quite a few weepy moments, but am trying to focus on our goal!  This was my inspiration today:  Trust - in His timing Rely - on His promises Wait - for His answers Believe - in His miracles Rejoice - in His goodness Relax - in His presence Bed rest is hard, I've never been good at just sitting. My back pain has reached a new level, but I imagine if I stood on my feet for a week straight only changing positions slightly they too would hurt:( I've been reading a lot, and have been Staying hopeful and trying My best to be happy;) I love you both more than anything;)

Day 6

We have almost made it a complete week!!! I'm excited that we will be 19 beautiful weeks tomorrow;) our entire pregnancy up until 17 weeks was wonderful, granted I spent the first 12 worrying about miscarrying. I was so blessed that I didn't have any morning sickness at all. Some mommies get really sick and it's hard for them to work or function in daily life. The only little blips we had were a uti, and some icky back pain. I welcomed every symptom that came with you two though. I was so grateful for the gift of getting to be your mommy that I told God that I would thank him through it all, and we have. Once we hit 17 weeks we were so excited, we went to our growth scan and that's when we got the devistating news about our cervix. I was distraught of course but thought of how blessed we have been this entire pregnancy. How could I allow myself to fret about a bump now, especially when you were both healthy. I held onto hope and really prayed that my cervix would grow and be strong enough to carry you two to a healthy age. This past Monday I became discouraged and distraught when the three drs in the room told us basically there was nothing they could do, to just go home and hope to make it to 24 weeks. I cried and was in a complete funk. I remember working with kids we knew had a low chance of survival, but I gave them hope all the way up until the end, and you know what? I think those kids had more peace at the end, they had hope, appreciation, and time to be thankful for everything they had rather than sulking in the pity of sadness. I totally sulked for two whole days, I beat myself up about a body that in my mind always failed me somehow, from the endometriosis I was born with, to the endless surgical operations to remove ovarian cysts, to the frequent voiding caused by the implantation of endometriosis into my bladder, to our two miscarriages and now to the shortening of my cervix. I wanted for my body to be polite and do what it was designed to do. In my self pity party that I was throwing I thought of the many people who have it much worse than I do, people who are diagnosed with cancer, or any other incurable illness, people who are too naive to see the beauty in life that surrounds them so they squander it away, people who are hungry and continue to live without adequate water and food, women who are battered, so many victims in this life. Everyone's problem seems big to them, and they are not comparable to each other, each sadness is different and perceived differently. I needed to wake up and view things through different eyes. Being your mommy is a gift, and it always will be. Im going to love you forever, I pray I get to meet you both and watch you grow. I pray daily that you will be raised with manners, respect and love. I pray that you are generous, humble and passionate at what you do. I pray that you will be proud of yourselves, that you will be like your daddy and be slow to anger and quick to give, that you will open your eyes and hearts to the world and be proud of the people you will become. I love to imagine what you will look like, smell like, sound like, what sports or hobbies you will have, what type of personality you will exhibit, how you will live your lives. I love to dream and hope for you. I am so thankful that I have been given this gift, you are both such wonderful gifts and I love you for that. I love daddy for helping me become your mommy. I am so very blessed. I see it daily, with the amount of love and support we have been offered just this week on bed rest. Phone calls, emails, mail, lunch, dinner, just stopping by to say hi.... The prayers, the hope, the faith that everything will be ok, that I need to be positive and do my best to keep a welcome environment for you both. We are all so blessed!! Today was a nice day. Daddy got off of his 24 hour shift and napped with Harvey and me. Then he studied while I watched a girlie movie!! I watched twilight for like the 800th time. Daddy always teases me, but I love it;) I also read more, we are almost 200 pages into our book where we belong by Emily Giffin. I enjoy her books, they are an easy fun read, like listening to my friends tell me stories about life. Haha I'm almost done with it. My friend in Indiana is reading it also, we will talk about it once we are done, kinda like a bed rest book club. My mom, your grandma marisa is coming over tonight. She lives in Arizona. She is coming to help us for a few days which is really nice. Daddy has been so busy and needs to devote time to his studies, so it will be nice when she can get my water or lunch. Daddy always scolds me the second I stand up, usually it's to pee and then he laughs and tells me I go pee too much. We drink a lot though and you push on my bladder! I don't mind but if he had it his way it would be sponge baths and bed pans:/ haha well my sweet angels I love you both. This was a long post and it was kinda deep but one day you will maybe understand what I was trying to convey. Stay safe and grow well. I love you both so very much!!

Day 5

Hi babies!!! I think we are doing a bit better today. I've had a few contractions, but nothing like last night. I woke up early as usual and made my way down stairs. I got cereal shredded wheat and my water and sat to eat. I looked on pintrest for a bit, then watched the rest of the homeland series!!! I know can you believe it? I finished an entire first series;) haha after that dr potter called to check in and see how we were doing. He's so sweet, he asked if I would Skype this potential new hire. So of course I did. She seemed very nice. I think she will be a good asset to our group! The girls were very sweet and kept saying we miss you! It was nice;) Paola came over after Skype time and hung out with me for a few hours. It was really nice. She brought me blackened chicken linguini and bread sticks!!! So good;) her mom also made us a huge try of homemade lasagna with fresh sauce!! They are Italian so you can imagine how amazing it was!! After paola left Harvey and I napped. Then I got up sent a few emails and filled out my disability paperwork. So weird to do by the way. It seems so weird to not work. I had lots of friends text and call to say hi today which is always a nice treat! I'm going to read for a bit then make my way upstairs to bed. Daddy is at work until tomorrow, we miss him here. He's such a hard worker, you are both going to be so proud of him. I also think im going to ask daddy to get Rosetta stone for me to learn while I'm on bed rest! Seems like the perfect time;) Love you both so much! We are almost to 19 weeks. Keep holding on, growing strong and being sweet.

Day 4

Hi my strong babies, Today was a much better day for us. Today I woke up around 6:30 and took a nice warm shower. I was sure not to spend too much time soaking up the water but I did enjoy the heat on my sore back, it was nice to wash my hair and shave too! After the shower I got dressed and headed downstairs. I scratche Harvey on the head and kissed him good morning. Then I went into the kitchen and decided on oatmeal with flax seeds, a banana and cold water! Cold water is so delicious to me! Its my favorite beverage in the world, sometimes I add a little fresh lemonade to it. On days I'm feeling especially fancy I'll make an Arnold Palmer! Yum;) I take te java tea and fresh squeezed lemonade an mix them together over ice chips!!! Such a nice treat! Maybe I'll make one soon or have daddy make us one;) while my breakfast was heating I had one minute exactly. I decided to have a power minute where I put as many dishes away as possible but had to stop when my oatmeal was done. Well momma is very efficient! I emptied the entire dish rack in one minute! We ate breakfast and then rested on the couch. Daddy got of his 24 hour shift late, I felt so bad it was more like a 30 hour shift. He decided to meet me at the hospital for our visit. They were very nice. Connie was our tech and she got our cervix to measure at 2.0 today!! It's not a great length but it filled my heart with joy and hope. The dr came in and said she was scared but not terrified. She decided that we should wait on the cerclage for now and re visit in one week. Next week we will see her on Wednesday and dr gray on Thursday! Two outings in one week;) big stuff there ;) After leaving the hospital I was really hungry. Daddy bought a groupon for the orange tree deli, it's this cute deli that has sandwiches, tacos, salads etc! It's such a funny combo but the staff and customers are always so nice. It's so cute how many regulars they have and they all know eachother. We got two large sandwiches, a delicious tuna and an amazing meatball sub! They were both do good;) I ate mine for breakfast and then dinner. I was so full! Three times today my lower pelvic region got really hard and I had a weird pinching sensation that radiated towards my vagina. I scared me, at first I thought maybe it was one of you moving, but I then thought oh no what it these are contractions. I don't know for sure what it was but I'm watching it. I drank two large glasses of water and laid on my left side. Harvey came up and snuggled beside me. I am making progress on homeland I have two episodes left to finish the first season!! Also Ashli and brianne both brought me books. Kelly brought me a lot of parenting books, and Emily brought some cute magazines and comics. I want you to both know how loved you are. Mommy and daddys love you so much, but more than us you have so many people in this world thi kit and praying for you. MOmmies friends from Indiana,Texas, family from Pittsburgh, Arizona, California!! You are surrounded by a lot of love and support! Kim told me today a lot of my patients told her they were praying for us. That totally made me feel even more blessed. We have so much love. Daddy has been amazing. He has been doing all of the laundry, refills my water about 30 times a day, talks to me, takes Harvey on walks, he took the trash out, brought a trash can near the couch so I could use it during the day. He even got my stretch bands out so I could work my arms and legs out a bit while laying down. I feel so blessed to have a daddy like yours in my life and in yours. He is an amazon husband, very calm and kind, I mean he has his moments but so do I. It's normal. He is going to be the best dad ever I just know it. He's already the best Harvey's dad so his live will only expand with you!! Tomorrow we have two visitors, then Friday my mom is coming out from Arizona to help us for a few days. She is going to do some cleaning and cook for us. She's a good cook and I learned how to clean from her so you can imagine she's a great cleaner! It will be nice to have a cleaner house without daddy having to do it. He's been doing so much. Daddy has been working hard at the station and in preparing for his next big interview! You should be so proud of him!! Well my sweet angles stay safe, grow well and I pray you feel our live daily. We want you both in our lives so much and will do everything possible to keep you safe! Love your mommy

Day 3

Hi my loves Today has been another hard day for mommy emotionally. I was so weepy today. I just couldn't stop crying. I am so worried about you both that it causes me to breakdown and sob uncontrollably. Daddy was at work today working a 24 hour shift so I think that contributed to my weepiness. He has been such a pillar of strength for us during this time I was afraid to be alone. I have been so nervous of not being able to reach him in an emergency that it made me sad. He will be home with us tomorrow morning and is planning on going to our dr visit with us. The drs office called today and told me that they were able to see us tomorrow at 10:00, daddy will be so tired because he worked all day:( we will let him sleep. Harvey has been wonderful all day staying by our side and loving us a lot. He went a lot bonkers when mommies friends came to visit. He was jumping and being really naughty. I know he has a lot of pent up energy and I felt bad for both him and the girls. Tonight Ashli and Brianne mommies friends from Choc came over to visit. It was such a nice treat. They totally helped to lift my spirits that had been in the dumps much of the day. They are both such beautiful women inside and out and i am so excited for you two to meet them;) We ate tostada pizza and a delicious BBQ chicken salad, I hope you liked it! I feel you moving more today which makes me really happy. I pray that you are both safe and growing well. I pray that tomorrow at our appointment the drs will have a better plan for us. I am so anxious and trying so hard to remain hopeful, it's just very hard. Today we watched like 3 episodes of homeland!!! I know right? I'm getting better;) haha they were good, we took two mini naps, well Harvey slept pretty much all day haha I also read a bit, emailed my two friends in Indiana and Texas who are also mommies of twins. You two have so many people praying for you!! All around the world. It's amazing to see how much love people have for you and for mommy and daddy. It fills my eyes with happy tears and my heart with joy to see. We are all praying for your safety and for the drs to do an excellent job caring for you. I love you both so very much. Sleep well in my belly sweet angels.

Day 2

Hi sweetie pies! Today has been both a great day and an emotionally challenging day. It started out on the right foot, we had oatmeal with flax seeds and blueberries and cherries! then mommy worked hard from the couch responding to patient emails and guiding Kim at work. Kim is helping take mommas spot while we are out of work. She is doing a great job but there is so much work and so much information it can be very overwhelming. Around noon Kelly, Cait, and Maja came over. They brought us lunch and it was so delicious! They brought busy bee which is a cute famous sandwich shop in San Pedro. They brought mommy and daddy each a BBQ chicken sandwich! It was so messy but so mouth watering good! I think you both enjoyed it. It was so fun visiting and just being near each other. I grew up with these girls and we just fit. We could go weeks without seeing eachother and we just pick right up, I can't say that for all my friends. Kelly brought me a lot of great mothering books. I'm eager to read and learn. Kelly is an amazing mom. I love watching her parent. She is so amazing. She offers just the right amount of protection and guidance while allowing Maja to explore and have fun! It was so awesome watching Maja explore the house, she was so observant! She loved making noises, pushing things, banging other things and throwing Harvey his ball. She was a pro at climbing the stairs and was so brave! Harvey was wonderful with her which made me really happy. They both did great together;) dog sitter anyone? After our friends went home daddy and I headed to our perinatologist apointment. It was scheduled at 3:30 but they didn't see us until nearly 5!! Grr I was a bit grouchie. When we went back into the ultrasound room the first person to see us had a really hard time locating our cervix so she got another dr. He found it but it was measuring super short! 0.98, we went from 2.7cm to 0.98 in one week! I was devastated. Daddy was holding my hand so tight we were hoping he was wrong. Another Dr came in and confirmed location and size. They were not the best team to tell you the truth. They sent me home on the same plan and said we will get in touch with your dr this week. Sorry, I don't think so! We called out dr once we got home. He told us he would call us in the morning and that we would transfer care to Fullerton drs. I'm praying everything goes well and you two are safe. I hope I haven't been to stressed out or caused you too much anxiety. It has even very scary for mommy and daddy. When we got home I crumbled onto the couch in a heap of tears. I wanted to melt into the sofa, to vanish from this and start again. I was crying and daddy was hugging me ad telling me it was all going to be alright and that we were doing everything in our power to keep you safe. Harvey was licking my face. He was so cute. I'm just so sad and do afraid for your safety. We want you in our lives so badly and have worked so hard to keep you safe. Well my sweet angels mommy is really tired from crying and resting haha you have so many people who love you so much and are so supportive of us. So many people are praying and sending their positive thoughts and good luck wishes our way. We are so very blessed. We love you both more than anything. Mommy & Daddy

Day 1

Hi babies!!! Today mommy and daddy got a lot done even though I had to be flat while doing it;) I woke up early like I normally do. I came downstairs so daddy could sleep longer. I ate yogurt and cherries for our before breakfast snack. Daddy finally woke up and made us waffles with blueberries they were good! After breakfast we moved upstairs and I payed in bed while daddy emptied my closet and dresser drawers. I was able to go through all of my stuff, something I had intended on doing this next week on my own. I was able to separate my clothes into stuff I can wear now, stuff to pack in the garage for after you arrive, goodwill and friends pile. it's always fun to get rid of things;) we had too much that's for sure and really who needs all of that? I'm a creature of habit ans routinely wear the same outfits over and over again. Now with less options in my closet I'll be forced to wear what I have and expand my wardrobe! Exciting! Today I watched about 20 minutes of homeland episode 2 I plan on finishing it tonight. Dr potter called to check in on us and said he would let me work from home for now. I pray we can do that as long as possible we really need the income. Fingers and toes crossed my little ones! Tonight klondikes mommy allie is bringing Mexican food for dinner;) I love Mexican food especially fresh Mexican. Yummy beans lettuce tomatoes and cheese! Mmmm tomorrow will be great too! Your auntie kelly mommies good friend will be by for lunch to visit us. She is bringing her daughter Maja. Kelly is an amazing mom I love watching her nurture and help to form Maja it's amazing how becoming a mother changes so much. Kelly was definitely born to be a mommy. She is so patient, loving, gentle and full of giggles. I can see the love radiating from Maja which brings me so much joy and excitement to see. I love and really cherish GOOD parents. There are few that I truly look up to and hope to mirror my parenting by and hers is one of those. Well my sweet angels I love you both! So many people love you and are praying for your safety and health. So many people are beyond excited to meet you when the time is right. I can feel you move more today and I am enjoying it a lot! Feel free to punch, kick, spin etc;) it makes me smile! Muah big kisses and belly rubs my sweet hearts.

Day 0

Hi sweetie pies I decided that since the dr ordered strict bed rest that I had no excuse not to write to you. I will try to blog our bed rest journey with daily activities, friends that visit, books I've read, hobbies I've started etc. today I made it through one episode of homeland!! It was good;) daddy laughed at me because it literally took me 5 hours to watch a 1 hour episode. He said I just don't have the patience for tv! Heehee so that might be a goal to get better at watching tv! We will see. Tonight daddy made us a delicious salad with baked salmon;) it was so refreshing and yummy!! We also set up a takethemameal account where family and friends can help bring us a meal or just visit do I stay sane! We love you both! Muah!!!

Sleepovers

Hi my sweet babies! I want you both to know that I love you both so much. I have been so worried about you. I am constantly telling you that I love you and to grow grace grow Wyatt. I've been praying that you are so very blessed and that you continue to grow healthy and well, I pray that you are happy in my tummy and although I tell you both all the time I pray that you sense how much I really love you both. I am already so proud of you, I love to feel you move, I love to see your sweet hearts beating so strong an in such a coordinated fashion. It makes my hert melt and I am filled with so much joy. I love to imagine what you will look like what you will act like, the type of person you will grow into. I pray that you are kind, loving, patient, practice mercy, I pray you are like your dad and papa and practice angering slowly. I have so many hopes for you but mainly I hope you are happy. This week has been long, emotional and tiring. Monday we had our MFM exam we were so excited to peek at you and get your measurements! You both looked so great but mommies cervix looked short. The drs ordered lightened workload and lots of rest. They want to see me back Monday. I spoke with dr potter mommies boss to let him know. We run a very busy office and I didn't want to just leave him stranded but I also wanted to do what was best for you both! We decided on working in the krnings and home in the bed working in the afternoons, it seemed fine and was workin pretty well. Well today mommy had some back pain nothing abnormal I've been having back pain and dr potter was very nervous He wanted me to go see our ob for a check up. that made me scared because he never really gets worried. I went to the ob and they checked you and my cervix. Afterwards the dr looked at the pictures for what felt like an eternity, then he came into the room and sai I want you to go to st Jude's for monitoring I want to make sure your not having contractions. He didn't tell me how long I would stay just said to come straight here. I could have burst into tears right then. My face got really hot and I was tryin to hold it together. I was now freaked out. You are not old enough to be born. If you came now you wouldn't be with us long, the thought makes me want to crumble up in the bed and sob. I have faith that you will be ok. I will do whatever I can in my power to keep you both safe ad growing even if that means icky bed rest. I h e been feeling good. At least I thought I was. I woke up about an hour ago to go pee ad the rn came in to check us, she said we were having contractions but they migt have been caused by needing to pee. I didn't feel them just the back pain was back, but these beds are like a bunch of bricks! I should be grateful! Ha she had me lay down and asked if I felt my tummy tighten?! Umm I don't know what does that feel like?! Agh so scary and frustrating not to know whats happening. I'm praying you are both doin great! I'm now at home writing this. The dr came to see us and said that I could come home but had to be on strict bed rest:( that means laying flat all day, I can sit up to eat, go potty and I am able to shower every other day for 5-10 minutes. Good thing I'm usually quick;) I need to have daddy bring me my exercise bands to exercise my arms and legs on the couch, the dr said stretching was good to do also. They told me to drink a lot which I always do but also said to pee a lot since a full bladder can cause contractions. We need to keep you two inside my belly as long as possible. My wonderful friends and family are setting up a food train where friends will bring us food especially on a day daddy is gone for 24 plus hours working. He has 20 or more shifts left to complete so it will be a long next few weeks. I am content as long as you two Angels are safe and growing well. I plan on reading, sleeping, writing to you and maybe watching tv! I love you both very much and am so happy I was chosen to be your momma;)

getting big

Oh my i am so tired! but that is not a great excuse for why i haven't written in so long. i have been working a lot and very busy with family and friends, which is a wonderful thing. this week dr. potter is on vacation so i have been able to come home earlier which has been really nice not to mention we had wednesday off for 4th of july! really fun! we had a bbq with my family and daddys family. we have your cousins visiting from pittsburgh and they are so much fun! you are both going to love them to pieces. they are very happy and beautiful. 4 girls! i know wyatt you will be surrounded by beautiful women, so you better pick a great wife because you have a lot of ladies approvals required! 


Today grammie, pop pop and daddy took the girls to disneyland. mommy was stuck working we were so busy today! i tried to leave early but that was not an option. i am home now after meeting the family at goofys kitchen for dinner. it was fun and very cute! i will post a picture later of that dinner. we aver ate as most tend to do at buffet dinners, but we will work it off this weekend:) 


this week has been busy and fun. daddy got to come to a dr's appointment with us on tuesday and he was not only able to see and hear you but also meet our dr. dr. gray is really nice and we are hopeful he will get to deliver you both. he told us that we might end up having a c-section if one of you are breech or if you tun funny, so both be head down and both behave please:) if you decide you are more comfortable in a different position that is fine too, i will heal. i'm a tough momma so we can do it. i just pray that you cook as long as you need to prior to joining our family. 


last night before bed i looked down at my growing belly and thought to my self how being pregnant is an absolute miracle. i am so grateful each and every day that i get to be your mommy. i think of all the families, women and men that struggle with infertility and my heart goes out to them. i think of people who get pregnant naturally and tend to think wow they are so lucky. i fall into that category now. i got pregnant with you two. granted it was not as natural as we had tried, but it was the perfect ending. we tried for so long and were so sad and hurt when month after month we couldn't get pregnant. i remember seeing people get pregnant a few months into trying, some get pregnant not trying, some on birth control, others during their first round of fertility treatments, some in their 3rd round, many on their first ivf round... i longed to be lucky like those women, but there was a plan. daddy and i had to work really hard to have you in our lives and we are so happy and feel so blessed by the gift of getting to be your parents. it just all sunk in last night and i thought how blessed we were that our ivf worked on the first round and we were able to get pregnant and knock on wood stay pregnant. we were blessed with not one but two babies! two sweet angels who we cannot wait to hug, kiss and watch do everything! we always talk about you, we shop for you, we rub you, we listen to you, we are excited to feel you more, and we tell your brother harvey all about you! i just want to tell you how much you are already loved and how you are such a beautiful and amazing gift to daddy and i. 


we have been growing a lot lately. my belly feels very tight and full! i love it. i love looking down and seeing my swelling tummy, it makes me so proud to think of it housing you two. i am excited to get bigger. i love it when people ask how far along i am, i love thinking about you, i love instilling hope and success in women going through treatment. i think it makes me seem more real and honest to them when they find out our story. i don't share it with everyone but sometimes people ask and say wow your so lucky you got twins right away. many people think it happened naturally and we compare ourselves to others of course~ i don't want these women to dwell on my luck so i tell them that dr. potter is the best and that they too will be mommies. i tell them that i know because he helped me become your mommie. they love it, they get huge smiles and are amazingly sweet always asking how i feel. in the middle of their own sadness they care about me while i care for them. it shows the true genuine hearts of people and that is such a gift to be a part of:)


my belly hasn't been the only thing swelling. my boobies are finally there! i look down and hello chi chi's they are so full and lovely! i like them:) haha i feel them move when i walk and they bounce nicely! its a neat feeling always having very little boobies to have a fuller chest. now boobies are not everything. and they really are not that cool aside from feeding you two. in life some people will make a big deal about the size of boobies, but remember my angels you are beautiful on the inside first, then on the outside. love people for who they are not how they look or how their boobies fill out a shirt. people like to be loved for their good qualities and its sad to look at boobs and be superficial. i just wanted to let you know how mommy felt about having boobies after growing up without them. its different, fun, nice etc... but i was happy with my little bobbies before. they were always good to me. they never drooped, were always perky fit in things well and made me feel beautiful just the way i was. 

this is my tummy at 16weeks. i love it. i love to rub it and talk to you two. so excited to watch you both grow:)

here you two are snuggled up. you two are so sweet. i am excited to welcome you both into the world!

here is our sweet baby a. we are not 100% sure if you are grace or wyatt. we have conflicting reports..we shall see. you are so cute! you are just laying in your little sac all you need is a good book!

poor baby b you looked so squished with baby a sitting on top of you! you are all stretched out trying to maximize your space. when you enter the world you will have lots of space, but i hope you will still like to be close to each other:)

i love you both! we are going into our 16th week. i am so excited we have made it so far! keep growing my sweet angels. i love you both so very much!