Day 38 there here!!

Hi cuties!!
Gotcha with the title, your not here but the hemmorhoids are:( my poor poochie butt! Haha I knew I would get them especially having two of you pressing down on my bottom region, I just didn't expect them so soon. I don't mind I'll take them as long as your inside my tummy growing and being healthy!

Today was pretty good! So excited to have another day under our belts! We got to sleep in which is a rare occasion here. It was nice and much needed. When we woke up we ate breakfast an then monitored you. My sweet little girl gave us quite a hard time getting on the monitor! We finally found you though! Stinker you were Moving so much! 

This afternoon was pretty good we had more contractions so we got an extra dose of procardia in between doses to try to knock them out! We're still working on it. Dr gray came by! I seriously love him!! As much as a patient can love their dr. He always sits down with me and treats the entire body. He explains everything an totally put both daddy and I at ease. He always answers all of our questions and encourages us a lot! He's so excited that we are almost 24 weeks!! He said after we get our shots I can go outside in the wheelchair for a bit if I'm stable. We might get to see your brother Harvey Saturday!! That would just make our week!! Getting to 24 weeks, having the steroids and seeing Harvey!!! What an amazing start to September that would be;) so very hopeful and excited. Our next goal is 26 weeks then we are going to go for 28. I am so excited. I know we can do it!!! He wanted to make sure I was doing enough to keep me entertained here, I need to read more! I need a grabber book that sucks me in. Detoured for a bit! The labor nurse came in to monitor us and you were giving her the hardest time ever! We ended Up being on for over an hour. You were so wiggly. Dr potter called to see how we were doing and to talk to us a bit. He's such a nice guy! He helped daddy and I get pregnant with you. He's such a sweet, thoughtful, generous guy! I like talking to him. He talked about upcoming USC games because he's an ex Trojan. He goes to all the games;) he's going to bring us some books to read next time he visits! He said next year he's excited about mommy coming back to work with him, he said he will take as much or as little of me as I offer. That made me feel good knowing I can go back and he appreciates my work enough to work with us. You never know what we will do next year, full time or part time. We will just wait to see. 

Tonight daddy came to stay with us which was really nice! He starts back at his preceptorship tomorrow one of three and is usually very exhausted following those shifts. He brought wahoos tacos for dinner which was yummy! We had a fish taco. It's swimming around with you now;) heehee  then we sat in my bed for a bit and talked before getting ready for bed. 

Today I had a really nice visit from kevens family. I brought joy to my heart knowin that although they didn't get the outcome we worked so hard towards thy still loved me for all the time I spent carin for him. They are so thoughtful and so loving. They said I was family and to let them know if I needed anything at all. They were so excited about you two!! It was sad Jacob, kevens cousin who's 6 said I wish keven was still alive today. I said me too buddy. I miss that boy and his cute smile and sassy personality! He sure kept me on my toes and kept my spirits high day in and day out at work. I was always excited to see him, to read to him, quiz him for his drivers test, eat with him and wak the halls with him. He was the sweetest  boy! I love and miss you buddy! I hope your having fun in heaven!

Well angels I'm pooped so it's bed for me. Then some midnight meds and more sleep!!! Yay! I love you! Yay for another day closer to our first goal;) 

Day 37

Hi angels,
Hope you are nice and cozy! Ha right as I typed that you baby girl kicked mommy! You little rascal! I love how you two are such busy bodies! You must love the taco pizza we ate for dinner;) Grammie and pop pop brought lamppost pizza over for us. We reopened all the shower gifts and then played blokus. I had to play completely flat which was hard I just picked pieces and had daddy place them for me. I never saw one move and do you believe it.. I won!!  You gave me luck;) 

Today was fairly peaceful. We had Vicky as our nurse again! She's so cute!! I alway hook myself up to the monitor and try to help out as much as possible all the while remaining flat in bed. She always laughs at me when she comes in. We talked a lot today and at the end of the shift she hugged me and thanked me, she said caring for us was so fun, not work, but like  being with a friend all day! That's how I felt with all the kids and families at Choc! When you love your job it isn work, it's bliss!! I pray you both love the careers you will one day choose. 

We had some consistant contractions later in the day and awful back pain:( I think it's because we tapered off our indocin. We can only take it for two days before needing a holiday. It can cause the amniotic fluid levels to decrease which leaves less cushion for you. We are still on procardia, tomorrow is one day closer to 24 weeks!! So excited! We will get our steroid shots for your lungs and then relax as much as possible. Praying for a smooth September;) I wish I could sleep through September and October and just wake up in November when it would be safer for you to join the world but that wouldn't be easy or fun, instead we will do it together;) 

My friend Rebecca visited for lunch! She is wranglers mommy, she's super cute and so sweet! We will do a play date with them one day, probably next year!! 

Well sweet hearts I'm going to get some sleep before the nurses wake me up. Nothing huge happening in our body, my belly is getting bigger and bigger every day! I love watching   it grown and feeling your strength as you kick me;) 

To all my blog followers: I've decided to dedicate this blog solely to the kids and baby updates only. For the truth and reality portion I will create a private blog so i have a place to be honest with myself regarding how I feel without lying or keeping things bottled up. It was between that and making this blog private again, I haven't decided just yet what I'll do. I like sharing this blog with you all as a means of keeping you all updated on a daily basis, I don't write to offend others, I just tell the honest truth, which isnt always beautiful. Hope you understand. 

Cheers to another day!! 

Day 36 shower full of love

Hi sweet loves! 

Today was a very busy day for us!! We didn't sleep well last night because I get woken up every few hours for medication and blood pressure checks:( the medication causes my blood pressure to drop pretty low so they check to make sure it's above a certain number. After our 4am wake up I got up to go potty and had a horrible sharp pain in my right side. It really hurt!! I couldn't get comfortable in bed at all, so I laid on my back and tried to sleep that way. Finally I drifted off but then was woken again at 7 for more meds:( boo I decided to just wake up and get ready for the day!  Our shower day! Vicky and daddy set the entire room up, Vicky our nurse hooked me Up to the monitor and we listened to your sweet hearts beating away while they brought chairs, put tables together and set everything up beautifully! It was sonweird for meo sit here and allow others to do all the work. It was hard, but i behaved. You my little girlie moved up towards my ribs which explains the pain I felt! Ha now you both have more room in there;) after they finished setting up auntie Franny arrived to help me get dressed and dolled up! So sweet of her. The party started soon afterwards, it was filled with so many people that love you both so much and want the very best for you! It was amazing to be surrounded by such energetic, beautiful, loving women. I'm so excited for you to grow up with us all! Ian made funfetti cupcakes, I had two one for each of you!! So good;) he also decorated my bathroom mirror with princess gel clings. Your uncle Chris picked them out for you! We played games, ate and opened presents! We got so many goodies for you! We got your adoreable bed sheets, a jogger stroller!!! Super cute clothes, books, adoreable penguins for your room, hand made burp clothes and blankets that are so soft, wraps to carry you in, monJey and gift cards! We were very showered!! We will be able to buy a lot of your other goodies now!! So excited! Yay;) the clothes are so so cute!! I can't wait to put you in them. You seriously won't need clothes for years. Haha high school probably. So many people are excited to spoil you! Aunties cannot wait to baby sit you which is nice daddy and I will get date nights!  Yippee... Our contractions were polite to us today, we had a few, but I think our medication regimen is good right now. Knock on wood. We need to stay this way. Can you believe we will be 23 weeks 3 days tomorrow?! I can't and I am ecstatic.J Auntie Lisa stayed and talked with me for a bit after the shower, she is so cool! I've always really looked up to her and admired her and her parenting. She has such good kids and they are so well behaved! I took lessons because I want you to have manners but also learn that helping mommy and daddy at home is a must. You will learn to do chores and work hard in school and for that you will be rewarded.  Not big on the super easy prince/princess life style. I think to be a well rounded considerate person in this world you need to pitch in and help others. It will start at home with me;) 

We had lots of ladies here today, your GG Gwen, Lolo, Punky in spirit, big Jeanie, Carol, grandma Jeanne, auntie Franny, auntie Emily, my aunts Lisa, Shelia, Rosie in spirit, Laura, Susie, your Grammie and great Grammie, Maureen and Courtney! It was so fun!! I love them all and got to share time in conversation with them each which was very special to me. Sometimes at parties it's hard to see everyone but being in a bed people were wonderful about rotating through to us. 

Auntie franny beought us Beautiful flowers, I love them. Sunflowers are such happy flowers and she always brings me them. They totally lift my mood. She also brought cute pictures to decorate my room with. I almost forgot during the party a therapy dog stopped by! I requested visits since I couldn't see our baby I thought some pet therapy would also help lift my spirits. It sure did! Everyone in the party loved the dog and he was just a ham! Loving all the attention;) one stop shop here about 16 Womens to ogle over him! Haha

Love you!! Hope you know how loved you are;) 

Day 35 Giving it up

Good morning! 
You two are still sleeping in my belly, starting to wake up a little bit but mostly you are quiet in there. We made it through another night!! It was a rough night and I woke up super tired and with a killer headache, but the double medications seemed to have helper the contractions to subside for now. I'm praying they stay away for a long time!! I got some good rest from about 1am-4am then my nurse woke me up for meds and vital signs, the procardia decreases your blood pressure and increases your heart rate so they check to make sure I'm stable hemodynamiclly prior to giving the medication. After my meds and a potty break I rested until 7 when again my nurse came to give me more Meds At this point my head was throbbing so badly I knew I wouldn't go back to sleep and I haven't:( I usually get headaches while on the medication indocin and it's really rough, they last all day and hurt a lot:( its a small price for me to pay to keep you safe and in my belly longer though so I don't mind as much when I remember that fact. 

Being in the hospital and on bed rest has caused me to give up a lot, a lot a lot. More than I ever imagined I would. Normally I'm very private about my life, my health, and my decisions. Mostly because people always want to insert their two sense and often this brings me anxiety, irritation and frustration. People tell you how you should be doing something, what the drs should or shouldn't be doing, what medications I should or should not be on, who I should date, who I should marry, where to get married, when it's ok to get married after dating for 80 years, when your old enough to have kids, what job you should or shouldn't take, whats safe for me to do, how I should raise you or not raise you, it's overwhelming!! My normal response it to shut down completely I go into survival mode. The mode where I decide to run or stick it out. Normally I would run and hide, but on bed rest it's a bit hard. To escape! Ha people tell me what to eat, how much to eat and when to eat. There is a time for rest and a time for being awake. It's been a hard adjustment for me, but I thibknim doing very gracefully in spite of it. I try to be polite and listen when people offer suggestions. I listen but don't need to accept them. That's the beauty of individuality, ultimately it's my choice in life! My privacy is completely gone. Everyone knows all of my problems, they know the length of my cervix, they know when I pooped last! It's funny and I probably wouldn't have allowed it, but I'm learning to give a bit up. People want to pray for us so they need details as to what specifically they are praying for. People are praying for you both and like to know about you! Drs ask a million questions and nurses answer my millions of questions, everyone here knows my story, know where I worked, who your daddy is and a lot about you too! All of them have been a beautiful place to fun peace, and hope. I have two nurses assigned to me, always a nurse on the floor and a labor and delivery nurse, they are all amazing!!! It's so awesome to have them care for me and know that they do in fact genuinely care for you!! I love it;) 

Today daddy gets off work and has 4 days off!! He's going to pick your brother Harvey up from Grammie and pop pops house and bring him home. Grammie and pop have been amazing and have let him stay with them. A lot of people offered to take him, he's such a joy. We knew Grammie and pop woul love him how we do at home, and he adores them! So we thought they were his next best guardians once they are tired of raising him we will rotate him to the crowds of people;) it's nice to be loved enough to be in high demand. He's so sweet I know why! If I could id have him here with me! Gosh that would make me the happiest momma ever!!! Ah just thinking of him and his sweet personality makes my heart happy!! Daddy wanted to bring him home to show him he still has a house and parents that love him and to give Grammie and pop some alone time. I hope they have a blast together! My two best buds!!!

Our day nurse Vicky just came in. She's so sweet. She was our nurse Wednesday when we started contracting a lot and she was great! She said she was so worried about is she called twice on her days off to see how I was and then how her babies were! It's cute when people call you their babies! Everyone here already loves you!! We talked about her sister who had anger, I told her we would pray for her and also talked to her about good food and juicing options to help maximize her energy and health. I told her about dr gerson and the movie food matters. 

Sorry, short break, vicky out nurse came to weigh me. We haven't gained any weight since last week:( hospital food is pretty awful. Plus I know I'm losing muscle laying here in bed, as long as you are both growing strong I'm a happy momma. Kristen and Sarah just left. They brought us fruit, egg Caserole and toast!! Also yummy orange juice!! I think you both liked it a lot;) those girls are so fun and easy to talk to!! I'm excited to see them again;) Sarah is actualy due around thanksgiving so depending on when you are born you will be very close in age!!! They are going to the spa today!! Ahh that sounds so amazingly wonderful!! They work so hard and totally deserve a day to relax and be pampered! Everyone does!! We are planning a spa day for next year after you are born and Sarah has her baby. After the new year you will be big enough to leave for a bit. I wish I never had to leave you!! It would be so fun to be able to stay home with you, to play and teach you!! Ahh we will see where life takes us. I have a lot of friends who have moved various places to buy land and homes, and have the luxury of staying home full time because the cost of living is lower, it sounds tempting!! Daddy is always up for adventures and loves to travel! We have talked about states we would love to live in. Right now we like Colorado, Oregon, Texas, and we even thought of Pittsburgh!! I'd also like to have a vacation house in south or north Carolina one day! Auntie Franny and I will go halfs on it so we can enjoy it as a family together!! It will be fun to have vacations there. Those places have a slower lifestyle which I love, less traffic and less hustle and bustle!! The thought of fresh air, land, and freedom give me butterflies!! Moving would be fun, exciting and a journey for our family. So many adventures in life to take!! I'm excited to take them with you!! 

Going to try resting a bit;) love you both! 

Day 34 fantasy thinking & 23 weeks!!!

Hi my sweet babies!! 
Today was a long day!!  I slept well last night mainly because I knew daddy was in the bed resting beside me;) I guess besides me would be a fantasy thought, daddy is a body length away from me in his own twin bed. It's like I love Lucy status in here! I really miss our big bed at home and really really miss your big brother Harvey! Aside from our honey moon we haven't been away from him more than 7 days ever!! It's hard and sad for momma, but right now in life you two are my biggest priority. I love getting to know you, feeling you, listening to you move... I start to fantasize about who you will be, what you will like doing, your sweet smiles, cute toes!! Everything. Sometimes to get my mind off being in the hospital I think of paths I could have taken in life. I pretend to walk down another path and I like to see where it would take me. If I hadn't moved in with papa Steve and grandma Jeanne, I wouldn't live in California most likely, wouldn't be married to daddy, and wouldnt be pregnant with you. Didn't like that path, so switched to another, what if I had picked another career path. If I were a teacher I would have the kids near me, would I have a job? Would I love that job? It would be fun to be pregnant as a teacher I think because you would hear me teach all day and be born super smart, you already will because your mommy and daddy are like total geniuses! I think so many thoughts during the day, so much time on my hands and mind. 

Today Emily brought me lunch and sat with me for about an hour. The drs asked that we limit our visit length to help me rest more, everyone has been really good about watching the time and giving us time to rest, nap and relax. It's nice to have visits though!! Especially at meal time. It's so sad eating alone all the time, I usually just look at the wall, if the blinds haven't been opened I can't look outside, it's pretty sad sometimes. Today I turned the news on for background noise. We ate our breakfast and I almost threw it all up:( I told myself Andrea you have worked too hard to eat those calories keep it down girl! And we did;) we had two burritos for lunch!! So good. Then I rested which was good because I started having those goofy contractions again! Ugh they were kinda painful today and strong:( I was nervous but the staff was so wonderful they checked your hearts and you sounded perfect. We added extra medication to my list and were told we would watch you. I'm still having them, but not as many and not as strong thank God!! Stay in there sweet loves! You have your whole life to grow and be here;) uncle Pete, Laura, and Samuel were going to bring dinner, but when the contractions started uncle Pete and Laura decided that she would come stay with me. It was really really nice! Laura is so amazing, she is very calming, a very relaxed happy spirit. She is so loving, generous and kind. She brought us yummy dinner. She made black beans which I love, great fried rice, and avocados!! Yummy;) she stayed with me until I felt better and the contractions were lighter. She lives really close and offered to stay the night if I needed which was also very kind. I wanted her to go home to uncle pete and Samuel though, I know they miss her;) I did promise to call though if I was nervous or needed anything at all! 

Tomorrow Emily, Sarah, and Kristen are bringing breakfast! They are the cutest girls!  I know I've told you this before and I know you can hear us talking in the room but I wanted to share it again. They are so fun to hang out with! They always lift my mood, they are thoughtful, funny and so cool. I love being with them!! Sarah is having a little boy, he will be a little older than you but not by much! Hopefully you will be friends and play when you get bigger;) having good friends is the best in life;) daddy is one of my best friends. He gets off tomorrow aroun 9:30 and then is picking Harvey up;) Harvey is going to be so stoked!! Then we are having a date night tomorrow!! I'm excited;) too bad I don't have clothes to dress up in. 

Sunday grandma Jeanne is throwing us our first shower! I'm excited, there will be about 16 ladies in my room that love us all so much;) I asked the dr to make sure it was ok and he said yes but I needed to be in bed the whole time. Auntie Franny will sit on the bed with me and unwrap the presents your family brought you. We will eat yummy food, share stories, maybe play games and laugh!! It will be such a nice treat seeing my family. I didn't even get to share the news that we were pregnant with anyone except GG Gwen and Grandma Jeanne, daddy and I wanted to tell everyone in person. Our fantasy would have been that, but non the less everyone knows now and are beyond excited for you to join the family!!  My friends are planning a shower in a few weeks in september;) Depending on when you arrive they will meet you next year, which seems so far away but not really! Time has been flying not for me but thats what Ive heard! Heehee your Grammie and Aunts Tiffany and Heather are so excited to throw us another shower! They are planning on doing it after you are born. Orriginally I was very anxious and didn't like the idea at all. I was so anxious about leaving you. I kinda freaked out. I thought oh my goodness I don't know what to do!!! If you come early, please don't.. And are in the nicu I only plan on leaving you to shower and sleep occasionally and then sadly when I end up going back to work. The earlier your born the less time I will have with you, I'll be required to return to a job so we  can afford our life expenses :( hate the thought of that.  I was freaked that I wouldn't get much time with you, and I would be a complete mess at a shower knowing your in the hospital. Blah just the thought makes my tummy sick. Please dont come too early. Listen to mommy and grow long and strong!! November is a wonderful month be born. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and we have so much to be thankful For. After thinking and thinking daddy and I decided that we could have Grammie and your Aunties plan the shower but not solidify the date until we are closer to having you, or you are born. Then we will know exactly what we are looking at and dealing with. Grammie said December 28th which is a wonderful day because that's grandma Jeannes birthday and we love her! It would be nice to celebrate you on her birthday I know she would share her special day with you!! There are still fears with this date but I think it makes me less anxious. Daddy would stay home with you so we would need to make sure you are fed prior to the shower and make sure daddy has extra milk just in case you get hungry;) also we would need daddy to plain and simple be comfortable, which depending on when you get home he might not be. If you were older we would take you with us, but you will have just been born and with it being flu, rsv, whooping cough season we are not willing to put your new immune systems at risk. We have worked way to Long and way to hard to take you out so early especially during the nasty icky sickness season. I have some fun ideas though of how to show you off!! Maybe a shower gift could  be a cd with pictures of you, or maybe Auntie Fran can make a DVD and we can play it at the shower. Depending on when you arrive we should have some pictures by then;) I also thought that depending on how many people are there when daddy comes to pick me up and help carry the gifts he can bring you to say hi. Now don't think I'm an over protective crazy mom, I want you to know your safety is my first priority obviously thats why I'm enduring bed rest and medications that make me feel icky. It's all for your safety. If I care now while your in my belly I'm not going to suddenly stop when you arrive, sorry your stuck with me. Now don't get me wrong I know you are excited to meet your family, and you will I promise, but little by little when the times are right. You will get to meet your cousins and Aunties Heather and Tiffany and Uncles Doug and  David when they are here for their Hawaii trip. I know I know you want to go to Hawaii and trust me we do too, but again your too darn small! And if we have a c-section holy moly! I'll be just walking and functioning!! Next year we will maybe go to hawaii!! We will hike and have a blast!! So excited. Well sweet loves I hope you know how much you are loved!! You have so many grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, big brother and your momma and daddy who pray always for you and hope the best for you always. We are so excited to meet you and nurture you!! 

I love you sweet bugs I'll tell you a story then rub you to bed! The. Momma needs sleep. Medication at 11, then sleep till 4, then more meds!! Phew;) Muah stay safe and grow well!! 

P.S. happy 23 weeks Angels!! We made it one week closer to our very first milestone! Viability. Now know to mommy and daddy you have been viable since the day that happy sperm met my sweet egg;) we are so happy you will be officially medically safer to be born. No our next goal is 26 then 28, and then longer!! How long ate you willing to grow?! Long I hope;)

Day 33 Reality

Good morning my angels,
Last night was a rough night to say the very least. I hope you were able to sleep some in my belly;) I maybe slept for 30 minutes. Right when I found a comfortable spot and relaxed my mind and body enough to rest my nurse came in and said ok honey get up and go pee. I've never in my life been one who needs to be told to pee, I always feel the urge and go. I'm actually probably over sensitive to it. Anyway I knew immediately that something was wrong for  her to get me up, I said they are still there aren't they. She confirmed that yes, despite the three doses of procardia I continued to contract and have a very irritable unterus. I wanted daddy to be here with us so bad. I was crying and over exhausted. I was grumpy at my body that always seemed to fight against me. I love my body, I put good quality foods into it, I rub coconut lotion on my body's shell, my skin to keep it smooth and soft. I exercise to keep my heart and lungs healthy. I am good to myself. My body... Not so much on the kind return. Once I got a period the pain was severe, after years of crumpling to the floor in a mess papa Steve took me into the drs. Our pediatrician. I recall being huge! Half of my body fit on her table. She recommended the pill to help with the pain. Years later when I was in college at long beach state I saw a dr who found a large mass in my abdomen. Turned out to be a large cyst. They removed it immediately and upon doing so found the culprit to all my pain. Endometriosis! A terrible case and sad to have that diagnosis as a young 18 year old. The pain and cysts continued to follow me through the years. I had multiple surgeries to remove them and also remove the endometriosis. Not the ideal childhood period story but it was my reality. 

Getting pregnant, in my thoughts I always thought it would be special, sweet, intimate, in the comfort of our home with just daddy and myself. Then the thoughts of taking a pregnancy test, feeling the excitement course through my body as the words pregnant appear on the test. The joyful thought of sharing the news with daddy of us going to my first appointment together and everyone after that. Of my belly swelling to unimaginable proportions, to me getting smiles and questions in the supermarket, to the hands that joyfully jump out and land upon my belly, to the day I go into labor, the pain, the joy and excitement, the hospital and doctors... Then daddy coaching me through your delivery and then seeing your beautiful faces for the first time. Holding you, kissing you, never letting go for a second. Washing you, feeding you and then taking you home in my arms and daddy's arms to our house where you will continue to be loved and grow daily. 

Reality was endless months of heartbreak undergoing fertility treatments, hundreds of dollars spent on medications, dr visits, blood tests. Hoping more than ever and then being completely devastated month after month when we got negative pregnancy tests or when we did get pregnant only having the opportunity and joy to carry you a few weeks before you went to heaven. The thought of ivf, the cost, the strict daily tasks, the fear of not having good quality eggs because Of the endometriosis that raided my body, the fear of having nothing fertilize of transferring embryos and none taking. So many fears. Then the waiting, waiting for our first blood test, waiting for that first ultrasound, waiting to make it through the first trimester and then the second. Reality getting placed on bed rest at 17 weeks, being terrified about my cervical length, about your safety, your growth, the thought of you coming early. Thoughts of me delivering here in the hospital alone without daddy by my side, thoughts of you being to small to live, or thoughts of you living and starting life in the nicu, with tubes in your sweet mouth to help you breathe, tubes in your nose to feed you, heat lamps around you to regulate your temperature, bandages on your eyes because they are not yet formed. The reality of bed rest, of not getting to show the world my round tummy,  to my daily interactions being mainly with hospital personal. Those thoughts make me so sad,  anxious and helpless. As a parent your main function in life is to love, nurture and protect your babies and I felt like I couldn't even do that. I felt like you two are being so strong and fighting so hard but that mommy couldn't fight with you. Mentally I am, I will always, physically my body seems to be attacking me at every turn. An uphill climb without water and I'm struggling with each step. I promise I will fight for you and with you. Forever. You are My sweet babies and I love you. We can do this!! I promise never to give up, I can't promise there will be days when I feel like I can't continue but on those days I promise to find peace in my faith and learn to cope better for you. 

Our day nurse reminds me a lot of your auntie heather. I text her this morning to tell her that. She wrote me a nice email about the prayer she said for us today on her way to work. her prayer was about gods timing, how days, minutes and seconds are irrelevant to him, but to us they are so crucial. She prayed for your time here with us. I too pray for your time with us. I can't imagine life without you two in it! There are so many people waiting to meet you when the time is right. So much love!! 

I pray for you today and everyday. Keep doing a good job growing strong and moving around. Love eachother  always and believe;) although this wasn't the idea I had in mind, it's our reality and I love you nonetheless. We just need to work harder at keeping you safe. I love you sweet hearts! 

Mommy

Day 32 no parole

Hi lovely babies,
 today was quite the day for us!! Daddy left at 5 for work, we missed him a lot!! I had a headache last night and was hoping sleep would help it. No luck:( momma woke up with that gross headache times 2!! Nothing seemed to help. I had diaper ice packs on my neck and head, tried eating even though I was so nauseated and tried resting my head. Nothing helped:( finally I was given excedrin which actually took it away!! We were supposed to have a meeting today, but they decided the plan wasn't going to change. Parole not granted, no bail money needed!  They decided that we better stay in the hospital. First goal 8 days until we hit 24 weeks!!! Please behave body and make it there and beyond! After that we were placed on the monitor one for each of you, one for contractions. You were both amazing being such cuties. Your hearts looked great, and boy were you moving! Mommy was having a lot of contractions I mean a lot every two minutes! It scared me, my nurses and the dr. They gave me procardia a medication to help slow them or stop them completely. It made me really hot, shaky and very loopy feeling. I noticed my skin was bright red!! Almost like a sunburn minus the golden tan:/ the nurse reassured me it was normal. I drank water and repositioned to my left side, we were still having contractions so they gave me a second dose of the medication. They also have a shot they might give me:( I heard its much worse than the procardia. They also said we might move back to labor and delivery to which I frowned because daddy and I haven't been in this room 24 hours yet:( we have so much to move and daddy is at work today. Boo hoo the contractions are scary of course because I want you to both be safe and stay in my belly as long as possible!! 

Tonight aside from the contractions was nice. I found a lot of peace and comfort in my friends that stopped by to visit. Emily, Sarah and Kristen came by with dinner. It was so good!! We ate a burrito from mothers, my absolute favorite!! Hope you enjoyed it! During dinner I was feeling totally funny because of the medication. It was like drinking 10 energy drinks at once. I felt so very weird. After the contractions persisted the girls prayed for us. It was very sweet and brought me hope and peace. I'm so thankful they were here to support me through this scary night. I would have been so much more afraid had they not been here. Some people offer better support because they are calm, other people cause me anxiety because they are stressed out, or ask a million questions and that sometimes scares me. They did a great job staying calm, reassuring me and making sure I was comfortable! I'm so thankful for them and the friendships we are building! 

Another awesome thing we did today was Skype Harvey!!! It was so good to see his sweet smiling face. He was smiling into the camera and kept getting so close to it! Haha he could see and hear me but I'm sure he was very confused. I see momma but where is she. Poor bug. Daddy will see him tomorrow. He will be beyond excited about that and I will feel better knowing he sees him and gets love. I was hoping to see him too with an outdoor wheelchair trip, but that was revoked too. Hospital bed only:/ blah I do have a therapist coming to work with me to help me with leg and arm strength, we also met our social worker today whom was very sweet. 

It was a busy and eventful day! I love you both so much and pray for you and your health and safety all the time. I pray you stay inside my belly and grow for many weeks to come. Please be safe and sweet. I love you so much and so badly want to meet you, love you, and take you home to nurture and watch grow. Good thing there are two of you in my belly because this might be the last pregnancy for momma. My body is just such a punk and fights me always. We want you and your siblings to be safe and maybe in my belly isn't the best way:( daddy and I will pray for a way to give you more siblings when the time is right, but for now we will enjoy every second with you!! We love you both! 

Mommy 

Day 31 lots of love

Hi loves!
Today we had a lot of sweet visitors who love us so much!! Today Kelly and Maja came to visit! It was really fun, Maja loves to expire her environment and was so cute looking at everything. She is learning so much and Kelly is so great with her. She does this super cute clicking noise when she wants something, it's like she's using African language to communicate! Too cute! After Kelly left Erika came to visit with Asher who is getting so big! He's three months now and so sweet. He was very observant too, taking everything in. He loves to be held, stand and hold me momma!! It was so nice getting to spend time together with them all! Dr potter came tonight to see us too! He brought us every magazine imagine able from the gift shop and a super cute little stuff animal. We named him Wally. He's a tucann with a fun beak. It was really nice catching up and seeing dr potter. We have missed eachother. After dr potter left daddy arrived!!! We waited all day to see him. He was so tired after work he went home and slept until 3:30pm! Then he had work to do before he could come see us. He finished and got here before 9. He packed our room up and we are waiting to be moved into another room upstairs. Room 525. I like those numbers so hopefully they will bring us luck. 

Today we were pretty good, we had some uterine irritibility and contractions so we were on the monitor for a bit. Now I'm resting. My head hurts a bit so I'm trying to lay and relax. So happy daddy's here. Tomorrow we see the dr and come up with plans;) I love you both! 

Mommy

Day 30 Damn hangnails!

Hi sweethearts! 
Today was a really hard day for us! I cried... A lot! It just stunk plain and simple. Our nurse today was awesome, we had Jen back and she is such a good patient advocate. She always fills my water, brings snacks and makes sure all my millions of questions are answered. Tonight we have Sadie again who we also really like! She too is a wonderful advocate and cheerleader! She has a calendar on the board for nightly countdowns and she always pumps me up and tells me she knows we cando this!! Tonight she sat a long time with me. I haven't had a regular stool now since wednesday last week, it caused me to have contractions and uterine irritability today. They decided to check my cervix to make sure they weren't causing me to dilate. I prayed so hard while she was reaching for my cervix, it was really deep and I was so afraid that we would accidentally rupture your sac or that we would be dilated. Well we were dilated, but only 1cm. She said she wasn't very worried but that we were. They offered me a medication called terbutaline, it's used to relax the uterus and slow contractions. It has a lot of side effects, and makes you feel pretty awful. I declined it at the time. I decided the root of the problem was the poo and our goal needed to be to get it out. Once we do that if the contractions persist then by all means I'll get the shot, but I dont want to mask a problem. We increased my colace to the max daily dose, and also took milk of magnesia. The milk of magnesia wasn't as terrible as I had imagined it was very chocky and very minty. I also ate lots of prunes and tried to eat things that give me diarrhea. Haha well nothin has budged so far, so the plan is to do a suppository tomorrow if there isn't any action. Not excited about that but we will survive. Sadie, my night nurse asked me what else might help me go. She asked I I was afraid to push for fear of having you fall out, if I had trouble going in public, if reading helped or music. I said I've never had a problem going anywhere and do it rather well;) just not now and yes it was a fear that you would push lower into my cervix if I push but Saturday I pushed and pushed! I thought my butt was goig to fall out! All that hard work for one small pebble! So heartbreaking! I told her baths soothe me but they don't have a bath here:( boo. Oh well. She asked how I was doing mentally which was nice. I confided in her that I had cried a lot today and that it was really hard for me to be here. I told her I was afraid of pre term labor, of losing you, and of the uncertainty of this all. She agreed that it's hard to be here, to have little to no control in this cituation and to be positive always. She recommended music, and art. I told her I like to paint and she said if I end up staying here that she wants me to paint here. Sounds fun to me;) she said to think of ways to find control here and they will do their best to cater to that.

I slept a lot today, I didn't sleep well last night so I'm sure we needed it. We slept until 11am, then ate and then napped more until around 1:30, then ate again and mapped until about 4pm!! I was so tired and I couldn't get comfortable, I had a lot of pressure in my right pelvic region. You two decided to both occupy that area so I'm sure it's slightly crowded! Haha you are also both moving a lot! I love it, I must admit that as much as I love it, it feels kinda weird! It's just not a normal feeling, and throws me off! It also brings me great peace feeling you, so keep swimming;) 

Today we got flowers delivered by one of daddy's friends since he was really little. Bill and Sheri! Just the sight of the flowers caused me to cry in my already fragile state, I hadn't even opened the card but the thought of someone taking the time to order and send  them made my heart melt. It was so thoughtful! I am behind on my thank you notes, but I'm slightly busy haha. 

For lunch and dinner I talked the kitchen into making special meals for me. I was getting burned out on my black bean burgers. They made me a veggie sandwich on wheat bread, and also Greek yogurt with fruit and cottage cheese. Trying to get my required protein in for you!! 

Tomorrow is going to be a fun filled day with visitors;) Erika and Asher are coming by, then Kelly and Maja are visiting, dr potter said he wanted to do lunch here with me, although he's so busy I don't foresee that happening. Then daddy will be back tomorrow night!! I'm so excited to see him and snuggle with him in my bed. It will be nice just being near him. It's been really hard without him although I like when he goes out and lives his life. It's healthy for him to keep motivated and busy. It's so nice that he always offers to sleep here on his days off, I know first hand that the bed isn't the most comfortable! Haha he is such a trooper. He helps me in the shower, he rubs my back and snuggles me before bed and he gives me lots of kisses and tells me that he's very proud of me and that I'm so brave and doing so great. It makes me feel very good and really supported a loved. He is awesome! He's also been helping bring me new clothes so I feel comfortable and clean.  This morning it was cute, I was in bed and daddy got up to get ready for work. It was about 4:45 he sat in a chair near my bed and just watched me. I wonder what he was thinking, maybe he was praying for us, or giving us positive vibes for the day. I know your daddy loves you both so much and he is so happy to be your dad. We are both thrilled to be your parents and love you so much already! I'm excited for our love to grow more and more as we know you! The nurses here are excited also;) it's like a big family! 

Well my sweet loves I'm going to get some sleep. We have a lot of love coming our way tomorrow and we need to be rested for it! My hair is an absolute mess! Haha oh well it's the perfect time to let it grow;) sleep well my sweet angels! I love you;)

Oh I totally forgot until I saw the title of this blog! Today as I sat in the bathroom begging to go potty for some comfort a friend text me about her day, how she was upset because she went to her favorite lunch spot and ordered a sandwich. When she got home they had put mayonnaise on the sandwich and she hated mayo! I was like are you serious?! That's your biggest problem for the day?! I'm in a hospital praying I can keep my babies inside my belly, begging for the simple relief of a bowel movement and you are telling me this?! Ugh!! Some people! Now don't get me wrong I'm open to eating about people's lives, their joys, their struggles, but some things are so unimportant, or maybe in hindsight they are not important to me because I have other problems. I try not to complain about my problems, I try to stay positive to be thankful always and look on the bright side, life can always be worse and we are ok. But come on!!! Haha ok that's it. Just wanted to explain my title.. Love you;)

Day 29 daddy felt you move!!!

Hi sweets!!
I love you for starters, and am so proud of you for being so strong and so good! today was a good, emotional and fun day! I slept pretty well last night. Yesterday the dr told daddy and I that we would be staying here definitely until Wednesday and then after that we would have an appointment with our specialist and our ob and devise a plan. We will either stay inpatient until you are born, or they will send us home for a week until we are 24 weeks along. It was frustrating because we don't know what to expect, and daddy works Wednesday so he won't be with me:( today daddy needed to go home to prepare for work tomorrow. I knew he had to do this, but I was so sad I couldn't stop crying. It was ugly crying heaving and big sobs. Then in the midst of my years I got a huge nosebleed! I was a wreck! Poor daddy tried to comfort me and I so badly wanted him to know that I wasn't upset that he had to leave I was just so sad because I'm nervous for you, and it's really emotional to be in one room where people visit and then leave. I was sad because I too wanted to go home and rest in the peace of our house. No noises, no interruptions, and have Harvey!! I've been really missing him. After daddy forced me to eat my breakfast I tried to focus on the good things in my life, we are so blessed and I didn't want to get absorbed in my sorrows and forget just how lucky we truly are. Before daddy left the dr granted me wheelchair privileges for 20 minutes outside!! We called pop pop and asked if he would meet us with Harvey! Pop pop was so happy to do it!! Harvey was so excited to see me! It took everything in me not to have another sob fest when we rolled out to him. I wanted to be happy with the time we had. We walked over to a nice grassy patch by the tennis courts near the hospital. It was so warm out! About 93 degrees! It felt nice on my skin. Harvey had an absolute blast I sat in the shade in my chair and daddy played catch with Harvey. Harvey found four balls in the grass and sidewalk by the courts. We allowed him to keep two of them. After my time was up we walked back to the hospital entrance and said goodbye. Pop pop started walking Harvey to his car but Harvey stopped as pulled him back towards is. It broke my heart. We turned around and kissed him again then I begged daddy to let me watch them go. I remember as a kid I would become so sad when friends or family would leave. I would stand at a window an look until they were completely out of sight. We did this today with Harvey. He turned numerous times to look at us, but was a good boy an obeyed pop pop. On their way home they went to centinella where he was spoiled more! He got treats and yummy food! Lucky boy;) tomorrow he will be home with Grammie who will undoubtedly spoil him;) pop pop starts school tomorrow and then goes straight to the stadium afterwards. He will have a really busy week. Daddy works Monday Wednesday and Friday this week. 

Allie came to visit us today in the hospital, it was really nice because I was feelin really lonely. I'm not a good tv watcher and felt too blue to read. We played a game and just talked. At dinner time she brought us chipotle. Very sweet of her and so yummy!! You will like her a lot! I think she would have been a really nice sister to have in life. She stayed a few hours then went home to get ready herself for work. 

My night nurse is just lovely!! She is so smart, sweet an attentive. She carried a wonderful conversation with me. She wrote your names on the board in the room and also placed a daily count up for you! It's cute because then we can watch the days pass with you in my belly! It's nice to see our improvements!! She shared some hopeful stories about other women in situations like mine that have made it to 30+ weeks. Those give me so much hope and joy!! I pray we make it that far and longer!! You have both been really low, you were both so busy today! Moving a lot. We got to listen to you and laughed at how much you were both moving;) I shared pinterest with Sadie she hadn't been on it before. She loved the ideas!! I get a lot of fun ideas there too. So excited to do them with you. 

I thought about work today! I definitely don't want to go back full time, at least not five days a week full time! If we can afford it I'd like to work 2-3 days and spend every other minute loving and watching you grow;) I'll be praying for peace and clarity in this decision! 

Tonight before bed daddy bless his heart came to sleep here with me. We were laying in my bed together and you were really moving, kicks here an jabs there. They were so strong to me that I was certain daddy could feel them, and he did!!! He placed his hand on my belly and was like oh my goodness I feel that, and that and oh my that too! You were rocking and probably showing off a bit for daddy. I'm glad he got to feel you move! It's so awesome!! Daddy helped me shower today and rubbed coconut oil all over me. He changed my bedding donuts nice and fresh and brought me new clothes. He's the best ever!! I hope you learn to be a lot like him and me too! The perfect combo;) we each have so much love to share with you! Well loves mommy is goin to bed. I love you both so much!! 22weels 3 days!! We are so close to 24, we CAN do this!! 

Love you!! 

Day 27/28

Hi loves
Sorry mommy didn't write yesterday, I wasnt too busy at all, just lazy I suppose. Yesterday daddy went to visit Harvey which I know he loved! He's been staying at Grammie and pop pops. We know he is getting lots of love and having fun, but we miss him:( daddy went home for a bit, then went to see Harvey who was so excited to see him! He makes this incredibly cute face when he gets excited to see you. He wrinkles up his nose and crouches really low. We love it. It's like he can't contain his excitement! Haha so cute!! If I get released today I will get to see him tonigt! I even put hunger games on reserve at a local redbox just incase I get to leave!! It's funny everyday they tell us something else. One dr says we can go home until we hit 24 weeks, at 24 weeks they will give me shots to help your lungs mature if you are born early. Another dr says they would prefer to keep us here just in case anything happens. They said by the time I think I need to call the dr, then get in my car to come In its often too late. They can start interventions here Much quicker. We shall see. We will do anything to keep you both safe and in my belly. The dr yesterday sat with me and reviewed milestones. He said at 24 weeks we do the steroid shots, 24 is viable but still an incredibly long and hard journey for you to make outside of my belly. At 26 weeks he said we can really sigh because that's much better than 24! He said he would be At peace delivering you of you chose to arrive anytime after 28 weeks. Of course we would love to hold you in until your 37!! Haha only God knows when you will arrive. We just need to have faith that it will be the perfect time. The nicu here is really nice and high tech. They allow parents to stay 24 hours which is nice because I can't imagine leavin your side! They also have cameras so that family an friends can see you from home. They don't allow many visitors besides the parents due to infection. I am excited to hold you, kiss you, and kangaroo carry you;) daddy will have to alternate times with me since we have two of you! We love you both so much and are so excited to welcome you in our family. 

Two days ago we were talking with Grammie and pop pop about going to Hawaii sometime next year. We thought it would be fun since we won't be able to go this year:( at least next year you will
Be big enough to go hilin with us, and dI other fun things, like the pool and sand! We will see;) just tryin to bribe you a little! Haha we made it to 22 weeks!! 2 more weeks and we can sigh a bit. I am very eager to get there. I feel like this entire pregnancy I've wanted to rush rush past all the weeks to get you to safety and then to get you here! We can't wait to meet you. Some parents are nervous about having babies and how their life will change. Their freedoms, their responsibilities, their relationship with their spouses. I can honestly say I haven't been nervous about any of that. The only worries I have are those of your safety. Daddy and I are so excited to have you that this has only drawn us closer, of course things will change, we will be tired and somedays you will cry non stop an we will want to pull our hair out, but then we will rember how hard we worked to get pregnant with you, to carry you and to bein you into this world safely as those screams might just sound a bit sweeter to us. No one can really comprehend how we feel unless they have been in our shoes. Daddy and I laugh at this journey. I have always been such a busy body. It's almost like God had this planned out to teach me to slow down, to let thins go and to learn to lean on others. I have learned to accept help and even bigger to ask for it. It's still very much a work in progress, but all good work takes time;) I've learned to look the other way at a floor I'd love to sweep, dishes I'd love to clean and dust that I'd like to dust away. It's good because when you arrow I won't have time to make that a priority and this helps me see that its not a priority right now. Cleaning will always be important and it will always be done at our house, I just won't fret of its not done right then;) During this transition daddy has really learned to appreciate and acknowledge all that mommy has done to keep the house functioning. He has been wonderil at picking up my chore load, doing laundry, dishes, vacuuming, cooking, shopping etc. he's been so helpful and even more grateful towards me because he now sees first hand just how hard I worked. It's good because it has helped up appreciate and respect one another more. 

Daddy went to the beach today for kaseys surprise birthday party! It should be fun;) it looks like a beautiful day outside! I wish we were there too!! The warm sun sounds so nice!! Your nana Jeanne is on her way to visit us;) that will be nice. 

We just had the dietician visit us. She said we need to be eating 120grams of protein daily and 2400 calories!!! She ordered me boost ensure with all my meals it has lots of extra calories and lots I protein. They are going to weigh me today too. She said we eat very well and have a variety but she was concerned since we don't eat meat or drink milk. I do eat Greek yogurt though;) 

Well loves the plan is to watch hunger games with Grammie pop pop Harvey am daddy of I get to go home tonight!! I hope I do;) even if it's just for a week or two. I need to pack a better bag with things to do and have here;) the nurses have been so nice. We had Michelle again last night and we like her. She sat with us and explained a lot and answered all of our questions. She even made
My bed while I showered. Today we have Jen, who we had last time. She's awesome too;)! All good things! I love you sweet hearts! Talk soon

Mommy

Day 26 blah!

Hi cuties! 
Today kinda stinks!!! We cannot catch a break, ever! Ha we came in this afternoon for our weekly cervical scan and that stinking cervix was not only shorter but it's funneling!!! Grr it went down .7cm in one week:( the funneling is new too. It's scary to mommy and daddy. While they were measuring you I tried to be very strong and positive because daddy was totally freaked out. I could tell because he didn't ask any questions held my hand and wouldn't move. It was like he was in shock. It kinda freaked me out so I pretended  to be much stronger than I am:/ I really wanted to hide in a closet as cry, cover my ears and pretend I hadn't heard anythig. We were admitted to labor and delivery again! Our third admission in 5 weeks!! I'm Back on endocin to help stop contractions because contractions can cause the cervix to shorten more... They are watching us here and then hopefully we can go home in two days. They said for now we can't do anything. At 24 weeks mommy will get 2 shots to help your lungs mature. A team of neonatal doctors will come see us and explain what outcomes we can expect at specific dates. It's all been so scary to me. I've held tight, almost cried a few times but haven't. 

Tonigt we had a lot of great company, my uncle Pete, Laura and Sam came by to hang out! They are so fun! They brought spagetti and bread;) it was so good!! I love pasta;) Grammie and pop pop also met us here with our mail and some food and snacks. After dinner we played blockus. The first game daddy and I tied but in the second game daddy came after me like a snake and I lost to him:(I'm such a bad loser! We talked about you and your baby showers. We have one in two weeks it might be held at my place but possibly in the hospital. 

I just woke up! Holy smokes!! The nurse asked if I wanted an ambien to help
Me sleep, she said it was a Low dose and super safe to take, she told me that lots of women on bed rest for long durations take it to help them sleep. Matt and I agreed after reviewing the class and side effects that we would try it. Well I started trippin out! I mean Luney bin crazy. The clock on the wall turned into two clocks on the wall, they kept moving around the wall. Daddy was talking to me but his face looked weird he had two noses and four eyes, he ran to get the nurse I don't rember what happened much after that. I was really dizzy and asked for zofran, them threw up everywhere! It was so gross!! I slept like a champ though. I felt very drugged when I got up to pee, but the sleep wa like cake, so smoothe and peaceful, my body didn't register and discomfort only rest. Daddy said I'm not allowed to take it ever again. Lol we will see. Well my loves we are waiting for the dr to see us. We made another day. Please stay safe and keep growing little angels. I love you!! 

Day 25 ohhhh my belly!!!

Hi loves!!! 
My belly has been hurting all day non stop!! Agh I woke up with sharp gas like pains, I took a shower;) then headed downstairs to drink water and sit with harvey. He was so cute! He has a kitchen towel fetish and always brings towels with him. Anyway I asked if he was drying the dishes! haha so cute! Pop pop came over and brought bagels, apple juice, and cookies!!! I had such a bad tummy ache I didn't want to eat but did for you! I also took some tums to see if that would help. I think I was just really constipated! Not fun!!! You might learn about it one day, and diarrhea which is the opposite. They both stink! Literally haha but I decided today id prefer diarrhea over constipation any day! When your constipated your belly just feels so tight and sore and your gassy and it's just awful! Being on bed rest has not helped with my bowels since I'm not moving neither is anything down there:( 

Pop pop took Harvey home with him. I was sad to have him go, but knew he needed some fun time with his Grammie and pop pop. They went to the park and he played with other dog friends, then took a nap outside with pop;) so cute!! Tomorrow Grammie and pop are taking him to the beach and then will bring him home with dinner for daddy and I. They have been so helpful and so supportive always but especially during this difficult time. We are very lucky!

For dinner my friends Emily, Sarah, and Kristen came over! They are the cutest girls! We always have fun and click. I haven't known Sarah or Kristen very long but when we are together it feels like we have always known eachother. They are sisters and are the cutest! They get along so well which amazes me and are so sweet and respectful to eachother. I pray you two learn to be loving and respectful like that. Sarah is 26 weeks pregnant and looks so cute!! She has the sweetest baby bump and is just glowing! She will be a fabulous mommy;) we ate wedge salads with tomatoes, croutons, olives and egg! It was very light and filling! Ive needed lighter but nutricious meals more so that I'm not moving. Heavy food just sits and it hurts! Everything is pushing on me! Haha

Tomorrow we get to go see you!! I am so excited to see how much you weigh. I am hoping you are both a pound or more! I think my tummy expanded a lot today so I'm praying that's why not just poop build up! Haha we will measure you, your heads, tummies, legs, look at your hearts, kidneys, and other organs and then we will measure the dreaded cervix! Praying it's beautiful an stable! Almost 22 weeks monkies! We are Doing such a great job staying healthy and keeping you in!! I am getting so excited;) love you both so very much!!! 

Love your mommy

Day 24 lazy day!

Hi my sweet squash babies!! 
Today was a very lazy dad for mommy and daddy. I woke up early, around 6, and stayed in bed until daddy called to say he was on his way home. I had planned on Resting in bed with him when he got home, but he had some energy;) he brought some croissants and dounuts home, and gave me a few sips of coffee. They were good. I also drank a vanilla protein shake. Not horrible but they taste like plastic to me which is totally gross! Blah... I need to keep trying different brands until I find one I can tolerate. Daddy napped and I looked on pinterest, Craigslist an eBay! I met a lady on Craig's list who had some goodies for sale so daddy will go meet her Thursday! We're trying to save money everywhere we can. Lightly used stuff is good enough! Hopefully our disability paperwork will be processed soon. I called today and it wasn't complete! We're going on a month with no pay:( not good. Oh well we're alive and have eachother and love. 

For lunch we finished the lettuce wraps so yummy!! I had a snack of cashews, green apple, and cheese with crackers. For dinner daddy made noodles for the pasta sauce Vicki brought over. It was so good!! Then daddy gave me a back and belly rub. My back was aching and when he rubbed it it made my  belly Hurt! Haha I sat in the shower for a few minutes with the water on my back, I had to beg daddy to allow it because tomorrow is our real shower day, so I was pushing it today, but I figured with sitting it wasn't that bad! 

Tomorrow pop pop is coming over for brunch. Hes helping take care of us a lot! I think he's going to take Harvey home with him. Harvey loves his grandparents and has a blast at their house. Thursday they are going to the beach so it will be even more fun! The weather has been so warm so it's perfect beach weather! Pop pop will play with Harvey then probably doze off for a bit in the sun and Grammie might splash in the waves and chase Harvey! They both adore him and are so wonderful with him. I just know they will be the same way with you two angels!! 

Well my sweets, we made it through another day with the Grace of God;) yay!! Stay safe and grow well! We love you!

Day 23

Hi my sweet bugs,
today was a fun day, we were busy all day which was really nice because it helped the time pass. I didn't sleep that well and when I woke up I had the worse headache:( it feels like I have been getting them more often lately. yucky. I took a shower and that helped a bit, then I went downstairs and had breakfast. After that Pop Pop came over with lunch. we ate and watched a movie. after that he left he was going to look at cars tonight, and he found one! he got a toyota corolla which has enough room for you in the back:) yippee!!! Harvey and I just relaxed, we did some online shopping with some of the gift cards we had. Your auntie tiffany and heather sent us a nice package with magazines, chapstick, nail polish, jelly beans and sweet cards! Aunt tiffany's card had a bath and body works gift card inside it so we used that to order some good smelling things! Aunt Heather's has a panera card, for us to use on the days daddy is in charge of dinner. Maybe we will use it this thursday after our dr. appointment or we can always save it and use it when we are back in the hospital since its within walking distance. 

For dinner my girlfriend Nikki came over. she brought lettuce wraps! they were amazing!! so easy to make. i am going to teach daddy how to make them. they are healthy, yummy and easy!!! we sat and talked for a long time which was nice. we both had a lot of work issues to work out and venting that only someone in our exact situation could relate to and understand. it was nice knowing i wasn't alone and that we had the support of each other and prayers too! 

I am getting ready for bed now. I just turned the air conditioner on for a little bit to cool the room down some. it gets really stuffy up here. tomorrow daddy will be home which is nice. he will nap and then wake up and hopefully have time to share with us. we love getting to hear about his day. he is really busy also, and i try to leave him alone to study because its really important. 

Well my sweet angels, I hope you sleep well in my belly tonight. We get to spy on you thursday. I am so excited to see how much you both weigh now. I have been trying to drink a protein shake daily to help you grow bigger and stronger. So excited we made it through another day! woohoo

Love you!!

Day 22 Miracles

Hi sweet hearts! 
Today was a good day, daddy came home and took Harvey to the park which he loved!! He has been such a great boy at home with me he deserved a treat;) when daddy got home he showered then took a nap for a few hours. Daddy had the air conditioner on all day which was nice;) we only had a few contractions! Vicki and Allen came to visit us today! They brought us delicious spagetti, in n out for lunch and spoiled you both! Vicki is such a great cook. Every year for Christmas she makes this amazing pasta sauce from scratch! It's amazing!!! It's filled with veggies and a variety of healthy meats. I love it. When I was younger I would always try to sneak sample tastes in and she would shoo us away saying its not done yet. It was so good! It takes a few days to make and is absolutely worth it;) so excited to have some. We ate lunch, talked and then played blockus. Daddy won, he almost always does! Little stinker. We are all very competitive so it's hard to lose, but I'm getting better at being a polite loser. After blockus we opened the presents for you! They brought you books, spoons, towels, rattles, and food containers. It was all so cute and it was fun for daddy and I to open them up together. In a few weeks were having the Showler side family shower. Our showers are going to be here at our little house now that mommy is on bed rest. It will be fun and filled with laughter and love! So many people love you both and your mommy too;) 

After Vicki and Allen left, Daddy Harvey and I took naps, mine was pretty short but those boys slept for hours. I knew if I allowed myself to sleep too much I wouldn't rest well with you tonight so I forced myself to wake up. Daddy fed me odds and ends for dinner, a lot of leftovers. I had salad, a sandwich, fruit, a protein shake, and chips! Not my best dinner but we were trying to get rid of excess food. Haha tomorrow pop pop is coming to visit us. Maybe we will watch a movie! He's fun and it's always nice visiting with him. You kids are going to love him so much! He's a wonderful grandpa and is going to love you and teach you and help you grow!! He might even be a coach for your teams! I know he and Grammie will be two of your biggest cheerleaders in life regardless of what you do! 

Today I watched a sermon online since I can't physically get out of the house to go to church. The sermon was about miracles, it talked about miracles and how you can see them Happen in life. The speaker said everyone will experience a miracle in their lifetime, it made me think and I realized how many miracles I have already experienced in my life! Creating you and having the opportunity to carry you this far has been a true miracle, it's something we could not do on our own, daddy and I needed help. We are thankful everyday for that miracle and for the miracle of getting to be your parents!! It's a huge blessing;) i experienced another miracle when papa Steve and grandma Jeanne brought me to live with them. Without that simple kindness I wouldn't have gone to the college I went to, wouldn't be a nurse, a job that brings me so much joy, satisfaction and love. I wouldn't have met daddy and I wouldn't be married to the best man in the world! It's amazing how God creates miracles, healings, paths that we otherwise would have been closed off to. It's amazing to watch his miracles play out. They are very different than the ones we had imagined for ourselves. Last year daddy and I would have agreed that getting pregnant utilizing reproductive technology alone was a miracle. We prayed and prayed and hoped and hoped and it was really hard, heartbreaking and sad. It pushed us closer together and opened the channel to supporting eachother completely. It focused on us loving rather than on us blaming the other person for not being able to easily get pregnant. I must say daddy was very graceful always. He never made me feel like it was my fault, like I was damaged goods having endometriosis, he never got discouraged and when I would he stood beside me firmly with loving words and arms. He believed it would happen all along, of course I hoped it would happen but after my chidhood I thought all my miracles were used up! Boy were we wrong! We are beyond blessed by you!! Two miracle babies!!! 

Daddy just set a nice bath up for me with lavender salts so I better  go appreciate it! I'm going to quiz him while I soak. Our belly is getting round and very full! I love it!! I love looking at it, rubbing it and talking to you. I'm going to read you a book tonight;) love you both so very much my sweet angels. Stay safe and grow well! We are so very proud of you both! 

Day 21 Spagetti Squash

Hi my sweet little spagetti squash!! That's how big you are today! It's amazing how quickly you grow! I'm excited to spy on you this week! We have an appointment Thursday where they will measure mommies cervix and also do all of your measurements for growth;) I'm excited to see how much weight you have gained. I'm hoping you will both be well over a pound each!!! Our veggie today was spagetti squash, that doesn't mean you look like a squash by any means, your much cuter! It just gives mommy a visual of how many inches you are. You should be about 8inches long and about 1lb by now, if your more or less you are still perfect! It will be fun spying on you. It will be extra special because daddy will be there with us;) I love when daddy gets to be at the fun appointments! 


Today was a Good day. I woke up with a headache from the medication we were on to help with contractions, and probably the heat. Daddy left very early but before he left he filled my water cup up with ice cold  water and gave me a sweet kiss! I love goodbye kisses from daddy. Usually he doesn't give them to me because he hates waking me since I sleep so lightly but lately he's been saying goodbye and I love it. A kiss I relish for the whole day;) Ahhh one day you will feel the same way about someone. It will be very special! Daddy tries to always make me feel loved and special. I try to make him feel the same way in return. Last night daddy cleaned so much! It was so sweet of him and helped me to relax more today. 

It was sooo hot today! I think the heat contributes to my contractions, I put the Ac on and we drank water with ice cubes! Usually mommy won't have Ice cubes because to me they taste weird. Haha it's filtered water but they taste like freezer to me and I'm a complete water snob. Hopefully you won't pick that up from me;) daddy is much more relaxed about things like that than I am. Anyway aunties Jenny and Allie came to visit with Kobe, Harvey was so excited and so was I. It felt like high school all over again, the girls brought over sandwich salon and Chinese chicken salad! It was a yummy treat. We all just sat on the couch relaxing and sharing stories. It was fun! They are so excited to meet you and love you up! after they left my friend from work Charissa and her beautiful daughter came over. They brought dinner. We also just sat and talked, it's nice to just talk sometimes;) we have been  very blessed with visitors. Daddy and I were talking yesterday about how everyday we have someone we love visiting, bringing food, calling etc! It's so cool and we are thankful for it all. It makes us laugh to think that we are so busy, well I have been busy visiting with friends! It's kinda cool to not have to be anywhere or rush off. It's peaceful and fulfilling. 

Daddy will be home tomorrow morning;) I'm excited to see him. When he gets home he's very sleepy so I try not to bug him. We let him sleep and we go down stairs to relax, read, watch tv... Etc. when he wakes up then we visit and listen to stories about his shift! I am so proud of him and all of his hard work! He's the best!! Praying he gets a job that he absolutely loves! He totally deserves it, he's such a great guy, and hes really smart too! He's going to teach you two so much! 

Well angels sleep well! Mommas going to try to sleep. I go through periods of sleepiness and then insomnia, it's like a rollercoaster so if I feel a little tired I try to capture that moment for us. We made it another day further with you in my belly! So exciting!! Love you both;) 

Love mommy

Day 20 21 weeks finally!!!!

Hi love bugs,
Today was a very relaxing day. Daddy and I slept in again! I didn't sleep well at all, tossed and turned most of the night, then almost choked on my carafate pill at 4am, it's such a monster sized pill. I seriously thought it might end up in my nose! Haha when I finally went back to bed I rested for a bit, but it's been very warm here and I always have a rough time sleeping in the heat. 

Your uncle kasey came over today with sandwiches for lunch. It was really nice seeing him and getting to share stories and time with him. Daddy's going to try surfing with him next week. It will be good for daddy to get out with his good friend, get vitamin D, and surf. Daddy loves to surf, but has been so consumed with life, school, and taking care of mommy he's neglected that hobby. We need to toss him back into it;) after lunch daddy went to the hospital to pick up some things we forgot there. Then he went to Ralph's for some redbox movies and treats for me. We picked up some protein shakes and some ice cream! I wanted to add two shakes to our daily diet to help you grow strong and big. 

While daddy was at Ralph's I was getting lots of contractions and cramping pains, but only in my belly. It's so scary and hard to know if they are contraction pains or upset tummy from food, heat, water etc. so I drank a huge glass of water and turned onto my left side. It helped a bit. Daddy and I were dreading calling the doctors office because we knew he would make us come back. I drank three more big glasses and rested, we are still having contractions, but not that frequently. Blah, hopefully they will resolve. 

Daddy has been a worker bee today. Daddy did lots of laundry, vacuumed, dusted, and did the dishes!! Then he studied and just now came down to make me dinner. He is the best daddy ever! He also took Harvey outside many times to go potty and played some catch and release with him. 

Today was fun also because my friend Lori in Indiana received the flowers we sent her! I love helping brighten friends days up, and I think they did just that. Daddy and I were talking about all the friends I've made on bed rest. Tammy in Texas and Lori in Indiana, and another friend tam in Australia. We have grown very close to them and were talking about how cool it would be to meet them once our kids arrive!!! Life is funny loves, you never know who will be your friend, when in life you will meet or for how long they will be your friend. A quote I always loved was people come into your life for a reason a season or a lifetime. It's very true. Friends come and go, and it's sad and hard at times, but the lessons, love and memories are there forever. I pray you meet wonderful people in your lives, some you will touch and others will touch and help to shape you into the people you will become. 

Daddy and I love you so much! I better eat now. My friend melissa and her mom are on their way over to visit us. I love you sweet hearts! Grow well in my tummy!!! 

Oh ya, we're 21 weeks today!!! When we were initially placed on bed rest at 17 weeks, this seemed so far and unattainable, but we have fought and will continue to fight to keep you in my belly as long as possible. Love you bugs!!!