Irony

As I lay in bed waiting for sleep to envelope me I can't help but remember those 5 short days we shared with you. I think back and remember how exhausted I was. How I found a few minutes even a few hours at times of sleep those 4 nights you were in the nicu. It seems ironic now that I can't sleep and you are gone. I would give anything to give those minutes of sleep back to just look at you, to feel you, to absorb your every beautiful feature. 

Today I am 28. I was trying to think of my hopes for this year. I thought at 27 I sent my babies to heaven, at 28.... No idea and I didn't like anything that rhymed with 28 this far! I hope this year holds greatness. It's funny I've never really enjoyed celebrating my birthday. It's just another day really. Yes I should be happy I have survived another year, but that's just it. I'm surviving. Without you life just doesn't seem as rich anymore. I am grateful and shouldn't complain, there are many who would love my time, but I am gifted with it and need to make the best of it. 

Anyway once Matt wakes up we are taking Harvey to the beach. It's supposed to be close to 80 degrees today! We were originally going to go for a hike but once we saw how lovely it was going to be we decided to make a day of it at the beach. We enjoy going to the beach together. 

Tonight was nice. I enjoyed a nice dinner at one of my old time favorite places, the cannery in Newport beach. Matt dropped me off and we went for a walk with Harvey beforehand. It was so cute watching him. Harvey has never gone on a dock before and he was pretty nervous. His little hind legs were trembling and he was crouched so low. I told him it was ok and that I was there to protect him. We sat at the end of the dock and watched as paddle boarders and Duffy boats drifted by. It was fun. For dinner we had a combination of fresh fish, sushi and veggies! It was yummy! The girls picked out the perfect gift for me! They bought me a tea diffuser with some amazing smelling loose tea. It's white blossom and wild orange! It smells so good! Like I want to rub it all over my body good;) I can't wait to wake up and make a cup! Now if only sleep would come!!! Ugh