Ugh

I miss you so much right now. Gosh I always miss you but this moment my nose stings and my eyes are swollen with tears. I want you here so badly. I want to hold you, to kiss you, to watch you grow, smile, nurse. God I want to smell your sweet smells ad change all your diapers. I want to be busy with you, to be sore from carrying you, to nap with you and be awake with you. How is it possible that you both died and so many babies younger and smaller than you live? I hate this! I absolutely hate this! I should have you here today. I should be your mommy. Instead I'm alone. Grrr yell!!!