I can't believe its November all ready! Today we would have been 33 weeks. I would have loved to make it this far, Daddy and I always said if we made it to November we would be happy with you arriving anytime. Daddy of course always wanted you to arrive on his birthday which is December 7th. That is not only a special day because its Daddy's birthday but also because its pop pop's birthday too. Daddy thought it would be really cool if you four shared the same birthday. Any way there was a different plan in mind.
This week has been a bit of a jumble. I have been sleeping terribly to say the very least. I got 2 1/2 hours two nights ago, 4 hours last night and hopefully more tonight. I haven't been napping either, so I am like a walking zombie. I was already a bit of a zombie before so now its worse!!!
Yesterday was a nice day. I visited Mila and Megan. Mila is getting so big. She is so beautiful!! She has so much hair just like you did Grace. She is long and is eating so well. She had a big explosive poop which made Megan and me laugh. It was nice sharing time together, getting to hold and kiss Mila and getting to remember you and talk about you and parenting ideas. Megan has been such a wonderful friend to me and I am very blessed to have met her and grown so close to her. After leaving Megan's house Daddy and I went to Newport Beach for dinner with some friends. Adam and Stacey, Blake, Trevor, Kasey and Lauren, Ross and Jenny, Steve, and the parents were there. It was fun and so cute. We ate at benihanas. The food is so good there!! I ate all of it. Normally I bring left overs home, but yesterday I cleaned my plate. After dinner most of the group went out to a local bar but Daddy and I headed home to rest before his shift today. He is back at work for 24 hours again today and then Sunday also. I miss him a lot when he is at work, and he really misses us. It is a big struggle for him to leave in the morning. Today was especially hard for him. He wanted to stay home so badly. He said he feels like he rushed himself into going back and he feels it was too soon. He wants to be home with me still and wants to grieve your loss more. He has been so focused on the hiring process, then school and studying that he hasn't had time to really let life sink in. Anyway he kissed me goodbye and asked me if I wanted him to stay home with me. I jokingly said yes, don't go...Daddy looked at me with sweet eyes and said really I will stay home if you want. I wanted him to don't get me wrong, but I also know he needs to finish his preceptorship and keep moving forward, so I told him no that he needed to go. He reluctantly went. So cute. Harvey and I sat in bed for a bit longer then I crawled out, got fresh water and decided to write to you. After this I am going to study a bit for my chemotherapy recertification and then shower before heading to san pedro. I'm going to see papa Steve, Maureen, Kelly and Maja and then Franny and Forest. Harvey and I are going to sleep over there tonight. Im a little anxious about sleeping over since I have been a terrible sleeper. Tomorrow I am taking a class on vaccinations and illness' that sounds super interesting. I am excited about it! Its normally held in Hollywood but the class tomorrow is being held in Fullerton really close to our house. After the class I will come home and snuggle with Daddy and enjoy some time with him before he leaves again for work Sunday. Sunday the plan is to go to dog beach. Jen is coming out with Brooklyn and maybe Banksie too. It will be fun, I heard its going to be beautiful! Sunday evening is our first support group meeting. I am eager about it, but also sad that Daddy will be missing it due to work:( I will of course tell him all about it. I am hoping to find some peace there and also meet some nice people.
One thing that I have found terribly hard lately is what some people say. I understand its incredibly weird. There are not the right words ever, but people say some funky stuff. I was told that it was Gods will for the babies to die. I wanted to be polite so I shut my mouth and didn't say anything. Inside I was irritated and annoyed. Really Gods will? so he is just sitting on his throne zapping babies or taking them? was he too busy to realize sooner that I was pregnant and then he rushed us into delivery so he could take them? so annoying. How about just say I cant imagine what you are going through, I am here if you ever need to talk, or just need a hug. Then hug me and smile. Oy so weird!! lol
Well my sweets I am going to study and then hit the road before the day escapes me. I love you both!!
This week has been a bit of a jumble. I have been sleeping terribly to say the very least. I got 2 1/2 hours two nights ago, 4 hours last night and hopefully more tonight. I haven't been napping either, so I am like a walking zombie. I was already a bit of a zombie before so now its worse!!!
Yesterday was a nice day. I visited Mila and Megan. Mila is getting so big. She is so beautiful!! She has so much hair just like you did Grace. She is long and is eating so well. She had a big explosive poop which made Megan and me laugh. It was nice sharing time together, getting to hold and kiss Mila and getting to remember you and talk about you and parenting ideas. Megan has been such a wonderful friend to me and I am very blessed to have met her and grown so close to her. After leaving Megan's house Daddy and I went to Newport Beach for dinner with some friends. Adam and Stacey, Blake, Trevor, Kasey and Lauren, Ross and Jenny, Steve, and the parents were there. It was fun and so cute. We ate at benihanas. The food is so good there!! I ate all of it. Normally I bring left overs home, but yesterday I cleaned my plate. After dinner most of the group went out to a local bar but Daddy and I headed home to rest before his shift today. He is back at work for 24 hours again today and then Sunday also. I miss him a lot when he is at work, and he really misses us. It is a big struggle for him to leave in the morning. Today was especially hard for him. He wanted to stay home so badly. He said he feels like he rushed himself into going back and he feels it was too soon. He wants to be home with me still and wants to grieve your loss more. He has been so focused on the hiring process, then school and studying that he hasn't had time to really let life sink in. Anyway he kissed me goodbye and asked me if I wanted him to stay home with me. I jokingly said yes, don't go...Daddy looked at me with sweet eyes and said really I will stay home if you want. I wanted him to don't get me wrong, but I also know he needs to finish his preceptorship and keep moving forward, so I told him no that he needed to go. He reluctantly went. So cute. Harvey and I sat in bed for a bit longer then I crawled out, got fresh water and decided to write to you. After this I am going to study a bit for my chemotherapy recertification and then shower before heading to san pedro. I'm going to see papa Steve, Maureen, Kelly and Maja and then Franny and Forest. Harvey and I are going to sleep over there tonight. Im a little anxious about sleeping over since I have been a terrible sleeper. Tomorrow I am taking a class on vaccinations and illness' that sounds super interesting. I am excited about it! Its normally held in Hollywood but the class tomorrow is being held in Fullerton really close to our house. After the class I will come home and snuggle with Daddy and enjoy some time with him before he leaves again for work Sunday. Sunday the plan is to go to dog beach. Jen is coming out with Brooklyn and maybe Banksie too. It will be fun, I heard its going to be beautiful! Sunday evening is our first support group meeting. I am eager about it, but also sad that Daddy will be missing it due to work:( I will of course tell him all about it. I am hoping to find some peace there and also meet some nice people.
One thing that I have found terribly hard lately is what some people say. I understand its incredibly weird. There are not the right words ever, but people say some funky stuff. I was told that it was Gods will for the babies to die. I wanted to be polite so I shut my mouth and didn't say anything. Inside I was irritated and annoyed. Really Gods will? so he is just sitting on his throne zapping babies or taking them? was he too busy to realize sooner that I was pregnant and then he rushed us into delivery so he could take them? so annoying. How about just say I cant imagine what you are going through, I am here if you ever need to talk, or just need a hug. Then hug me and smile. Oy so weird!! lol
Well my sweets I am going to study and then hit the road before the day escapes me. I love you both!!
Hey, you forgot to mention what happened after the explosive poopie! So I will...Auntie/Mommy Andrea saved the day. Before I could blink momma Andrea had it all cleaned up and taken care of. Without any hesitation or reservation the mom instincts kicked in and it was so beautiful to see. Now that Mila is here I realize that if our IVF would have taken I am not sure I could handle twins. The thought of it makes me sweat LOL! But, yesterday I know mommy Andrea could do it standing on her head. You are born to be a mom Andrea and it made me angry after seeing you in action. How is it that someone who can actually handle twins and remain sane be robbed...Our Grace and Wyatt did not even get the chance to see their mommy's skills at work. I know you are the best mommy ever and I am so lucky to have you as my friend to learn so much from. You are the BEST mom EVER! Mila says thanks again Auntie one day my mom will also be as fast as you she just needs more practice =)
ReplyDeleteHaha you are so cute!!! I love that I get to share in your parenting;) twins seems like so much work, but I was so eager to do it!! You never now what the future holds. Mila will have some adoreable cousins to love on and play with. Love you friend!! See you tomorrow for more learning;) xo
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