Mayans predicted that today would be the end of the world, at least that's when the Mayan calender stops. Daddy and I got to visit and learn about the Mayan culture when we were on our honeymoon. It was so lovely! I love learning about new things, ways of living, and embracing our environment. We hiked beautiful ruins and had a blast. It was so warm and so breathtaking. I wish we were there now. Those were the lighter days in our lives. Things were slower, more refreshing and less pained. This year has been full of joy, excitement, devastation and pain. I cannot imagine a worse year ever.
Today is the day you would have been 40 weeks. Today I am exhausted not from waking up to feed you, change you, love on you and interact with you. Today I am tired because my brain never slows enough for me to rest. My body aches from losing you. My uterus is empty and full at the same time. I have a c-section mark that hurts frequently. It aches sometimes when I touch it, it aches when certain clothes press against it. My once milk filled breasts are now empty saggy tube socks. Our house is quiet. Interruption as I was typing this I noticed Harvey push into your room. I walked in after him and asked him if he wanted to sit in your room. He did! Haha we sat there on the floor in the middle of your nursery. Harvey was smiling and panting while looking around and I sat there on the floor talking about you. I asked him if he could see you, his babies. He stood up, turned around and sat on my lap. I hugged and held him with the biggest smile on my face! so cute!!! I totally believe he can see and sense you. Thank you for saying hello my sweet Little's. Please know that I love you both so much and wish so very much you were here with us today. I am so hopeful that one day we will have a sibling in our lives for you. I am so excited to tell them everything about you, how beautiful you both were and how much you love them. I loved your nursery, it was the perfect room for you two, but now I think we need to change it when a new baby comes home. We of course have no idea or control over when or if that will happen, but I think when the time is right you will help us.
I wish I were holding you in my arms tonight and every night. Please know I think of you often, almost every few minutes. Even when I sleep I think of you. Thank you for being in my life, even though it was such a short time I am so happy I was able to love you, learn from you, and be your Mommy. I can't promise I will always be strong, I don't even know how I am being strong right now, but I can only guess it is you giving me some of your strength.
Tomorrow is Daddy's last day of the fire academy. He will have a small celebration with his classmates and then he will be assigned to his station. I am excited to be able to celebrate Daddy's hard work with you and him tomorrow. We are planning on having pasta for dinner. I hope we get to talk about you and share happy and fond memories of you on the day you were due! We will remember you today, and everyday!
We love you our little angels!
Love Mommy
Today is the day you would have been 40 weeks. Today I am exhausted not from waking up to feed you, change you, love on you and interact with you. Today I am tired because my brain never slows enough for me to rest. My body aches from losing you. My uterus is empty and full at the same time. I have a c-section mark that hurts frequently. It aches sometimes when I touch it, it aches when certain clothes press against it. My once milk filled breasts are now empty saggy tube socks. Our house is quiet. Interruption as I was typing this I noticed Harvey push into your room. I walked in after him and asked him if he wanted to sit in your room. He did! Haha we sat there on the floor in the middle of your nursery. Harvey was smiling and panting while looking around and I sat there on the floor talking about you. I asked him if he could see you, his babies. He stood up, turned around and sat on my lap. I hugged and held him with the biggest smile on my face! so cute!!! I totally believe he can see and sense you. Thank you for saying hello my sweet Little's. Please know that I love you both so much and wish so very much you were here with us today. I am so hopeful that one day we will have a sibling in our lives for you. I am so excited to tell them everything about you, how beautiful you both were and how much you love them. I loved your nursery, it was the perfect room for you two, but now I think we need to change it when a new baby comes home. We of course have no idea or control over when or if that will happen, but I think when the time is right you will help us.
I wish I were holding you in my arms tonight and every night. Please know I think of you often, almost every few minutes. Even when I sleep I think of you. Thank you for being in my life, even though it was such a short time I am so happy I was able to love you, learn from you, and be your Mommy. I can't promise I will always be strong, I don't even know how I am being strong right now, but I can only guess it is you giving me some of your strength.
Tomorrow is Daddy's last day of the fire academy. He will have a small celebration with his classmates and then he will be assigned to his station. I am excited to be able to celebrate Daddy's hard work with you and him tomorrow. We are planning on having pasta for dinner. I hope we get to talk about you and share happy and fond memories of you on the day you were due! We will remember you today, and everyday!
We love you our little angels!
Love Mommy
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