Grateful

I've been in such a funk lately I have forgotten all the things I should be thankful and grateful for. I am so thankful Daddy and I were able to create you. Life. With the assistance of science what might not have happened due to a problem with my body was made possible. If I didn't have endometriosis I would have no problem getting pregnant, but unfortunately my fallopian tubes, uterus, and ovaries are blocked by spider web looking tissue. The tissue is purple and looks like bruising. It bleeds and causes a lot of pain. I have undergone 5 surgeries to help remove it only to have it return with a vengeance. I also suffer from ovarian cysts, and an incompetent cervix. Recipe for a disaster! Luckily this year Daddy and I got pregnant. We couldn't be happier. Although we were terrified we held onto hope and prayed that everything would turn out alright. We prayed each day for you and your health, well before you were conceived. I am thankful for the wonderful care we received in the hospital. Our nurses, doctors, and respiratory therapists truly became our family. I am grateful for the care Wyatt and Grace received while in the NICU.  I am grateful that Daddy and I both had the opportunity to hold you, to kiss you, to tell you we loved you. We were able to feed you milk that my body produced just for you. We were able to change your diapers, to cover you, to hold your sweet hands and to touch your little feet. I am grateful for the daily texts that friends, family members and acquaintances send. They don't require a reply they often say "thinking about you" or "love you". I am thankful for the delicious meals people bring by. Friends, complete strangers from a friends church that I attended a few times prior to being placed on bed rest have brought us food. Its amazing how in the midst of my sorrows and my grumpiness to the world, a light can shine. A stranger has so much love in her heart that she is willing to bring us dinner. Two people she has never met. I am grateful for the good in others. It brings me hope and reminds me to be thankful. I am beside myself each time I open the mail box or front door and open a letter, or a package. Flowers delivered weekly, cards, today a beautiful bracelet and note. Its humbling. We are grateful to everyone who donated money. We were able to pay a large portion of Wyatt's medical bills off. We have not yet received Graces, but expect it should be around the same amount and come soon. Thankfully hospitals will take any money you give them and allow payment plans for any amount over 300. Today Daddy had his polygraph, it was long. They asked him questions for 3 hours! phew.. then when he got home we ate lunch and cleaned a bit upstairs. At 4pm we had another investigator come to our house to question Daddy again and also talk to me. I am so hopeful Daddy gets hired. We can't handle much more devastation or darkness right now. I don't know anyone who deserves this job more and who is a better person. Daddy is so honest, genuine and humble. He is slow to anger and quick to help. I love him. I am so thankful. I cannot tell you how many people have touched, changed and help shape my life, and for that I am blessed. 

I love you my angels. Today we would have been 30 weeks. It is so hard for me to stop thinking about where we would have been. I know people say not to look back, but its too painful looking forward, so for now I look back. I smile when I close my eyes and picture me, lying in the hospital with a belly so big and round. Ahhh happiness if even for a second.