Hi my sweet strong babies,
I am typing this while listening to your sweet hearts beating away. we are hooked up to the monitor right now and you are both moving up a storm. i like that. where to start... i suppose we can start on Wednesday and move through to today. Wednesday started out like a normal day, we woke up, ate and then got ready for the day. it was our shower day but i decided to wait to shower until bedtime so we could relax better before sleeping. Leslie and her mom came for lunch and brought me a yummy burger and fries from red robin. i didn't know it was going to be my last meal until today. it was really good. after lunch we had an earthquake it is kinda fun having them here in the hospital because we just roll so its pretty smooth. Vicky our nurse came in with the wheelchair and we were off to visit dr. toohey our perinatologist. i thought we were going in for a growth scan to see how big you are getting but when we arrived she said it was for a quick cervix check. i was praying for good news, at the least stable news. we didn't get that. instead we got a cervical length of .5 and bulging membranes. scary!!! dr toohey wanted us transferred to the L&D floor immediately. Vicky picked me up and allowed me to stop by our old room to grab our money bear and most important valuables. she and Marie packed up all of our other stuff and helped bring it down later while i was getting worked on. from the second i hit the floor it was a whirlwind. i had three nurses rushing around me, starting iv's, placing a catheter which was awful, and putting us on the monitor. i tried calling daddy and texting him but was unable to get in touch with him. i was so freaked out and just wanted to update him. he was at work so i didn't want him to leave to come for a false alarm but i knew he would be mad if i didn't tell him what was going on. i was moved again to another room this time room 9. they picked it because its the room closest to the delivery or and has the biggest bathroom. all of my showers would be on a gurney so they wanted a big enough space to roll me into. our nurse patty and Jen started my magnesium sulfate. they told me i would feel bad, but i pushed it out of my mind. i wouldn't feel bad i thought. i would be ok. instantly i started burning up. it started in my throat and neck and then went to my head and body. they gave me 6grams loading dose with a 3gram an hour rate. they said it was a really large dose for someone my size. we also got our first dose of steroids to help mature your lungs. it didn't hurt much. i was praying we would make it to the next dose in 24 hours. soon after daddy arrived. grammie called him and told him to come. it was perfect timing because the neonatologist came in to see us and tell us what to expect if you were born that night. we all thought there was a really high chance of you coming then. the odds were not good to say the least, it was a hard reality to chew but we were not giving up. the drs asked me if there were complications with the delivery if i would agree to a c-section. i said yes of course. they then said are you sure you want to have a c-section for babies that might not even live. i was crushed. i never in a thousand years imagined having to make that decision based on those grim facts. i said yes again to the c section and told them to do everything they could to help you live provided it gave you a quality life. daddy and i agreed this was what we wanted. we were terrified. i was in and out of sleep. i felt the worst i have ever felt in my entire life. i was having strong contractions and felt like i needed to push with each one. i think the catheter contributed to that. i thought i was peeing through it which everyone told me was impossible. the next day sandy our nurse came in. i swear i was half alive. she looked at me and said oh baby you look awful. i said i know i will be better if you take the cath out. i am peeing through it. she said well if you think you are show me. i said ok, sure enough she pulled my sheets down and there i flowed. she said yes you sure are. my bed was soaking wet from the mag fever and the pee and she was very quick to change me. i as too weak to get out of bed or move myself so she and daddy cleaned me up, changed my sheets, and assisted me onto a bedpan. i couldn't believe how weak i had become so quickly. Friday came and went in a similar manner. i was getting labs drawn every 4-6 hours. i couldn't open both eyes at once and i was very nauseated. Saturday Jen was our nurse again and dr gray was here. they drew labs and saw that my electrolytes were very off. i had a fever and it was increasingly hard to breathe. i thought i was going to die. i kept begging daddy not to leave my side. my head was pounding, i was so feverish and my body shook uncontrollably. Jen worked with dr gray to get us off the mag. we got replacement riders to replace the lost electrolytes, they thought we would be better after that. we weren't. i was still struggling to breathe and had a yucky cough. they did a chest x ray which revealed pneumonia. the theory is that Wednesday when i was too weak to lift myself up i breathed in some vomit and it caused the pneumonia. yuck. i was started on iv antibiotics, breathing treatments, and oxygen to help me breathe easier. my head was still pounding which they said was probably from the fever. i was able to rest some Saturday and then by Sunday was feeling a bit better. today is Monday. i still feel pretty weak and get tired very easily when moving to go potty or eat but i am so much better than i was. daddy was a complete angel changing me and my wet bedding, replacing cool cloths on my neck and head, and also putting me on the bedpan, cleaning my bummie and keeping track of how much i went for the nurses. he got a lot of training for your arrival. i woke him up about every hour to go potty and he gladly woke up to help me. he never once complained or said no. he cheered me on and told me i was so strong and doing a great job. today we are 24 weeks and 3 days!! a huge victory in our book. we didn't think we would see this day. we are so thankful for each day the sun sets and rises the next morning and we are still pregnant. today the nurses had a potluck and brought us in fresh homemade food. it was so good. i was able to eat a pretty good sized meal. daddy helped me into the shower and then changed my bedding and then headed home to wash some laundry, water the plants and move his car. its been crazy to say the very least. daddy said many people texted and called to check on us. it was really sweet. so many people love you and want the very best for you. this has been an insane journey, one i never in a million years imagined. i never thought i could feel so weak, sick and completely helpless. i have never once thought for sure i was going to die.i have never worried so much about the safety of someone else. especially someone growing inside my own belly. its amazing how much i love you and will do for you. although the mag just about put me into a grave i would do it all over again to keep you two safe and growing in my tummy. each day inside my belly is three less days in the nicu. we are so excited to be through these rough spots and onto the joys of parenting. i promise we are going to be the best parents ever when you arrive. we have worked so hard at keeping you safe and getting you here, there isn't any other choice but to be the best. we would love to raise you somewhere fun with lots of land. daddy keeps looking at homes in Montana. it snows there!!! eek but i bet we would have a blast making snowmen and having snowball fights. then we can have hot chocolate with marshmallows by the fire place. sounds pretty fun. its cute to watch daddy dream a bit, he showed me our future house and said we should buy it now so its ready for when you arrive. haha hes so cute!! it was nice really big and on a huge lot!! it was very woodsy haha daddy said he likes that. after all of this im willing to have a nice woodsy house in the middle of now where where we can just relax. too bad we need to work. how fun would it me if we could just play all day? maybe one day! you never know. i love you both so very much. please keep growing well and stay inside that nice big belly. we like having you there. we are taking baby steps. each day is a huge day for us and we are thankful for it. we can do it sweet hearts!!! i love you so much.
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