Hi my sweets!!
Today seemed to drag on forever. I'm so tired I'm excited for bed. Right now I'm on the monitor, it sounds like I'm at the horse races your little hearts are galloping away, and every two seconds or so one of you kicks or punches the probe and I hear and feel that. I'm thankful that I get to feel those sweet movements now, I love the simple assurances they bring. Tonight patty is our nurse, usually she is our day nurse but she picked tonight up to help out. It was funny another nurse who took care of me last week came in to say hello she's from the south and has a super cute accent. When she saw me she said oh my god, honey your real purdy, I mean look at cha your beautiful! Don't look nearly like the crap you did last time I saw you. Wow! Haha it made me laugh I mean how bad did I look last week? Pretty bad I suppose because the compliments roll in daily haha
Today we were moved into our private room again! So thankful, daddy and I slept terribly last night twin hospital beds aren't even comfortable with one body in them let alone two grown people. Also between my roommate and me we got woken almost every hour, meds, lab draws, bathroom breaks omg it was awful. Daddy left at 5 he couldn't take it anymore he went home to sleep a bit which is good. I forced down a gross breakfast for you, then relaxed a bit. I was so tired but my roommate had lots of visitors. At noon carol a woman who practices healing touch came in to see me. It was amazing. She used her hands to center my energy, she used really light pressure and pulse like movements. I got to listen to really relaxing music too. When we were done she said she would try to see me three times a week!! So awesome;) I'm thankful the hospital offers that service!! I almost did the training a few years ago but as a student it was too expensive:/ maybe one day I'll go! It would be nice to use on you, family, friends and my patients!
Patty just came in you kids are playing soccer in my belly and it's causing me to have a crazy amount of contractions, your freakin her out so try to behave love bugs. Silly goosies! Agh a big one is happening now! Almost measuring 100+ Geepers! I just drank a pitcher of ice water to help with them. Stay away contractions for 10 more weeks then I'll welcome and accept you;)
Today daddy brought your brother Harvey to see me! It melted my heart! It's been so long since I've seen him, hugged him, held him and kissed his sweet face! He's been having an absolute blast at Grammie and pop pops house! His hair looked so light and beautiful, he looked so good, very happy and healthy. I'm thankful Grammie and pop pop love being his guardians during this difficult time. I know he loves them both and has fun with them. I think he keeps them young and is great company for them too. Thank you to all of our other friends and family who graciously offered to host him. If daddy's parents get tired of him trust me we will call you!! This entire transition has not only been hard on us but also on him, our goal is to maintain as much stability in his life as possible we don't want him to feel like he's being abandoned over and over again, although he's a great adapter so if he needed to he would do his best.
I also want all of you to know how thankful I am for all your prayers and support. For knowing when we need support and being gracious and polite when we need our privacy. It doesn't always happen and as you all know I'm pretty private about my personal life so it's hard for me when I feel violated. I shut down and want to run. A product of my upbringing im certain but it's how I am and you all seem to love me despite that fact. I mean how many people like to have everyone see their laundry?! Ugh it's one of my ultimate pet peeves it makes my blood boil and makes me mad. Like I don't want to talk to people ever again mad. I don't mind when people ask to share my information and I agree. Many of you have approached me first hand and asked if you could put my name on prayer chains, if you could share information and updates and I prefer that approach this is just such a hard experience and we don't want to be the latest gossip at dinner. We chose who we want to share our intimate struggles with, and it's not everyone. I was furious but being angry doesn't do me any good, I've found that talking to people about it helps unless the person doesn't see your side of the story and thinks we are wrong for not sharing all details. I've asked several times and voiced my concern with certain people knowing too much but all of that has gone to the wind so if you get an update feel honored because I'm not going to do much anymore. Only my very closest, non chatty Kathy's will be informed. I am thankful for the concern and the prayers but it causes me great anxiety to know what I share is going into us weekly.
Also I've been told I'm not very thankful, which kills me! I take pride in being overly grateful and thankful for every small gesture! Every text, prayer, card, visit, food delivery, baby gift, chore run, Harvey pick up, meal tray delivery, bed pan changing, pill delivery I say thank you always, and honestly mean it. Even last week when I was on deaths front porch I said thank you repeadately to anyone who helped me or came to my room. I was so thankful for everything. Im not sure how much more gratitude people expect from me. If there is another way I can show you I'm thankful and appreciate your help let me know, because I surely don't want to offend anyone and most certainly will not stand for anyone saying I'm ungrateful. If you feel like I'm not grateful then please by all means don't force yourself to do anything for me. Honestly I don't ask for much at all. All of the support I've received on this journey has been out of the kindness of people's hearts. Before you judge my gratefulness put yourself in my shoes and walk a bit, or more correctly place yourself in my hospital bed and remain flat. Have all independence revoked, have your life be a soap opera that is continuously played out, have complete isolation, eat the same meals day after day, have the fear of losing your two children or having them born with great disabilities, then be thankful. I know im doing a beyond amazing job being positive and grateful. Please don't be rude to me, walk my path and look at yourself from my shoes.
Sadie one of our favorite nurses just came in to visit! She's so cute!! Love her;) she's always so friendly, she said she believes we can do it and we will. She's excited tomorrow is 25 weeks!! She said she wants 4 more and then after that 4 more she believes in positive thoughts and power. I'm honestly trying with all my might to remain positive, to not crack here, to not fall completely depressed like many do. I'm trying to maintain as much normalacy as possible, I just need love and support. I don't need someone judging me for how I act or feel especially when they have no idea what my journey has been like. I try my best not to judge others, I really do, I try to find the best qualities and focus on those , we all have flaws, we are human. I'm just asking that you be nice or stay away. I need as much positive energy in my life as possible. I will chose to surround myself with those that enrich my life not darken or cause stress in it. I'm big enough now to have a choice I'm no longer the kid who's forced to visit parents on holidays who are rude. I chose who to share myself with, and right now its all of you;) Life is too precious and too short to waste time grumpy. I promise today to make my relationships more meaningful, to try harder and love more. Some relationships will grow more some will not grow at all, but that's my promise.
I love you both so very much! I pray you continue to grow strong and healthy in my belly, I pray we have a wonderful day tomorrow for week 25!!! I can't tell you how excited and thankful to God I am that we get to see this day. Last week I thought we were having you, my heart ached in ways unimaginable, I've never felt such heartache and such fear, it could only be consoled by papa and your daddy. They are my two rocks, I believe papa put daddy in my life to be my earthly supporter and my goodness has he been wonderful at it! I can't rave enough at how wonderful daddy is. He truly is the absolute best person I've ever met. Flawed as we all are but we wont focus on that we will only look at his wonderful qualities. He is a saint in my book. I couldn't have done it without him asnd his never ending love and support. He has so much faith in us bugs!! Let's show daddy how strong we are! Love you both. Sleep well my sweet angels I'm so proud of you for staying in my belly.
Today seemed to drag on forever. I'm so tired I'm excited for bed. Right now I'm on the monitor, it sounds like I'm at the horse races your little hearts are galloping away, and every two seconds or so one of you kicks or punches the probe and I hear and feel that. I'm thankful that I get to feel those sweet movements now, I love the simple assurances they bring. Tonight patty is our nurse, usually she is our day nurse but she picked tonight up to help out. It was funny another nurse who took care of me last week came in to say hello she's from the south and has a super cute accent. When she saw me she said oh my god, honey your real purdy, I mean look at cha your beautiful! Don't look nearly like the crap you did last time I saw you. Wow! Haha it made me laugh I mean how bad did I look last week? Pretty bad I suppose because the compliments roll in daily haha
Today we were moved into our private room again! So thankful, daddy and I slept terribly last night twin hospital beds aren't even comfortable with one body in them let alone two grown people. Also between my roommate and me we got woken almost every hour, meds, lab draws, bathroom breaks omg it was awful. Daddy left at 5 he couldn't take it anymore he went home to sleep a bit which is good. I forced down a gross breakfast for you, then relaxed a bit. I was so tired but my roommate had lots of visitors. At noon carol a woman who practices healing touch came in to see me. It was amazing. She used her hands to center my energy, she used really light pressure and pulse like movements. I got to listen to really relaxing music too. When we were done she said she would try to see me three times a week!! So awesome;) I'm thankful the hospital offers that service!! I almost did the training a few years ago but as a student it was too expensive:/ maybe one day I'll go! It would be nice to use on you, family, friends and my patients!
Patty just came in you kids are playing soccer in my belly and it's causing me to have a crazy amount of contractions, your freakin her out so try to behave love bugs. Silly goosies! Agh a big one is happening now! Almost measuring 100+ Geepers! I just drank a pitcher of ice water to help with them. Stay away contractions for 10 more weeks then I'll welcome and accept you;)
Today daddy brought your brother Harvey to see me! It melted my heart! It's been so long since I've seen him, hugged him, held him and kissed his sweet face! He's been having an absolute blast at Grammie and pop pops house! His hair looked so light and beautiful, he looked so good, very happy and healthy. I'm thankful Grammie and pop pop love being his guardians during this difficult time. I know he loves them both and has fun with them. I think he keeps them young and is great company for them too. Thank you to all of our other friends and family who graciously offered to host him. If daddy's parents get tired of him trust me we will call you!! This entire transition has not only been hard on us but also on him, our goal is to maintain as much stability in his life as possible we don't want him to feel like he's being abandoned over and over again, although he's a great adapter so if he needed to he would do his best.
I also want all of you to know how thankful I am for all your prayers and support. For knowing when we need support and being gracious and polite when we need our privacy. It doesn't always happen and as you all know I'm pretty private about my personal life so it's hard for me when I feel violated. I shut down and want to run. A product of my upbringing im certain but it's how I am and you all seem to love me despite that fact. I mean how many people like to have everyone see their laundry?! Ugh it's one of my ultimate pet peeves it makes my blood boil and makes me mad. Like I don't want to talk to people ever again mad. I don't mind when people ask to share my information and I agree. Many of you have approached me first hand and asked if you could put my name on prayer chains, if you could share information and updates and I prefer that approach this is just such a hard experience and we don't want to be the latest gossip at dinner. We chose who we want to share our intimate struggles with, and it's not everyone. I was furious but being angry doesn't do me any good, I've found that talking to people about it helps unless the person doesn't see your side of the story and thinks we are wrong for not sharing all details. I've asked several times and voiced my concern with certain people knowing too much but all of that has gone to the wind so if you get an update feel honored because I'm not going to do much anymore. Only my very closest, non chatty Kathy's will be informed. I am thankful for the concern and the prayers but it causes me great anxiety to know what I share is going into us weekly.
Also I've been told I'm not very thankful, which kills me! I take pride in being overly grateful and thankful for every small gesture! Every text, prayer, card, visit, food delivery, baby gift, chore run, Harvey pick up, meal tray delivery, bed pan changing, pill delivery I say thank you always, and honestly mean it. Even last week when I was on deaths front porch I said thank you repeadately to anyone who helped me or came to my room. I was so thankful for everything. Im not sure how much more gratitude people expect from me. If there is another way I can show you I'm thankful and appreciate your help let me know, because I surely don't want to offend anyone and most certainly will not stand for anyone saying I'm ungrateful. If you feel like I'm not grateful then please by all means don't force yourself to do anything for me. Honestly I don't ask for much at all. All of the support I've received on this journey has been out of the kindness of people's hearts. Before you judge my gratefulness put yourself in my shoes and walk a bit, or more correctly place yourself in my hospital bed and remain flat. Have all independence revoked, have your life be a soap opera that is continuously played out, have complete isolation, eat the same meals day after day, have the fear of losing your two children or having them born with great disabilities, then be thankful. I know im doing a beyond amazing job being positive and grateful. Please don't be rude to me, walk my path and look at yourself from my shoes.
Sadie one of our favorite nurses just came in to visit! She's so cute!! Love her;) she's always so friendly, she said she believes we can do it and we will. She's excited tomorrow is 25 weeks!! She said she wants 4 more and then after that 4 more she believes in positive thoughts and power. I'm honestly trying with all my might to remain positive, to not crack here, to not fall completely depressed like many do. I'm trying to maintain as much normalacy as possible, I just need love and support. I don't need someone judging me for how I act or feel especially when they have no idea what my journey has been like. I try my best not to judge others, I really do, I try to find the best qualities and focus on those , we all have flaws, we are human. I'm just asking that you be nice or stay away. I need as much positive energy in my life as possible. I will chose to surround myself with those that enrich my life not darken or cause stress in it. I'm big enough now to have a choice I'm no longer the kid who's forced to visit parents on holidays who are rude. I chose who to share myself with, and right now its all of you;) Life is too precious and too short to waste time grumpy. I promise today to make my relationships more meaningful, to try harder and love more. Some relationships will grow more some will not grow at all, but that's my promise.
I love you both so very much! I pray you continue to grow strong and healthy in my belly, I pray we have a wonderful day tomorrow for week 25!!! I can't tell you how excited and thankful to God I am that we get to see this day. Last week I thought we were having you, my heart ached in ways unimaginable, I've never felt such heartache and such fear, it could only be consoled by papa and your daddy. They are my two rocks, I believe papa put daddy in my life to be my earthly supporter and my goodness has he been wonderful at it! I can't rave enough at how wonderful daddy is. He truly is the absolute best person I've ever met. Flawed as we all are but we wont focus on that we will only look at his wonderful qualities. He is a saint in my book. I couldn't have done it without him asnd his never ending love and support. He has so much faith in us bugs!! Let's show daddy how strong we are! Love you both. Sleep well my sweet angels I'm so proud of you for staying in my belly.
No comments:
Post a Comment